Dreams Quotes Thoughts

Deeper Conversation

29th January 2014 - 7 min read

My best time on earth is when I am in silence, in solitude, with my very self.
That has become my routine started from a couple of years ago since I started my journey as a (beginner-level) yogi, a meditator (my own terms of people who like to meditate :p), which concludes me as a better-being. I used to have a temper, I used to have a pleasure in torturing my mental (no, not like a psycho) by stressing simple things out.
Since then, I have always been searching for a small times out of my schedule of the day to find back my self to the core.. Like right at this second where my mom is next to me deeply asleep. During the day, it is almost impossible to have a little time with myself due to the high needs of my sister (who just gave birth to her 2nd child) and my mom (who always alwaysss alwayyss busy in the kitchen with her cooks) for my help. For that matter, I choose to have my quality time in the middle of the night when everybody in the house are already gone to bed.

Silence (and music) altogether are my best mood healer.. I personally think, it is a very good way to train myself from getting out of the vicious circle of high level of stress and lack of self-esteem. Why self-esteem, because all thoughts that I (or we) have in mind will be transformed into behavior, behavior becomes habit, habit will be perceived by the beholders, and sometimes (if we don’t love ourselves enough to be able to control the emotion) will tend to create an assumption or definition of ourselves that we are going to take into account, before you know it, it will lead to a different form of stress.

I am proudly say that I am one of those introverts people in this planet. I may not be in the severe condition as some of them are. From my contemplation, I learn that I am the kind of person who isn’t very good at translating what comes in my brain into words, which I am very much grateful that I acknowledge it pretty well as I have a reason to try hard to overcome the weakness. I have a believe that word is very powerful tool to communicate messages and to move people into openness. And for that, I (used to) feel far from content.
I am a perfectionist, which sometimes means that I would put myself in a tough position and blame myself for something that I shouldn’t take. It is the exact reason why sometimes I could be feeling very in-confidence for what I have, why I (used to) always feel far from content. …………………

And you know what, the hardest part (for me) is not a peer-pressure, but self-pressure. The must list I push myself to do… And to accept the weaknesses I have.
By being contemplative, I discover that being perfect (or look perfect) all the time is very much unhealthy. It prevents me to be in the high level of self-consciousness. I’d never understand how it was to have flaws and when someday people discover about the flaws, I’d die form disappointment.

With those things I have… I know where to start improving myself.
From meditation in/not in my prayers, I am no longer a slave of my brain. The negative things used to fill up my mind has already Β been transformed into the positivity I’d like myself to have. And for sure it does some synergy to the outer of each.. Someone says ‘it’s not the load that break you down, it is the way you carry it’.
I have all the right in the world to choose the way of living, and I choose to be stress-free as stress is only a state of mind.

………………………

Until I finally find the way to understand and get rid of everything worldy and temporal. By being silent enough to listen to what I am thinking, what I want to convey, and what should not. (And also to hear other people).. I slowly get to know what I want genuinely, and what I want impulsively. I have become an expert in priority-organizing.
I am better because I listen..

………………………

As what the youngsters like to say nowadays ‘YOLO’.
Each individual has their way to enjoy their life, because it is indeed ‘YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE’. And for me, that particular terminology is a constant reminder to make myself happy, to be confident, and to live my life to the fullest (of course in my own definition).

……………………….
00.15 am

‘Writing and planning your dreams equal halfway in reaching those’ – me
And the contemplation tonight results in a 25bucketlist contains things I SHOULD do rather before 25 years old, than before die.

BIGGEST DREAM: To be able to assist people in reaching their happiness.. bermanfaat bagi sesama. Mudah-mudahan….Β 

Else..
– Acquire diving diploma
– Go to the Middle East (pilgrimage/umroh) and/or Africa
– Riding horse
– Six pack abs!!
– Conquer headstand skill!
– Move to other countries or move back to Indonesia to reunite πŸ™‚ (it should not be after 25, but before 25, however it can’t be before 24 hihi)
– Have a great great great review on the role I currently have the responsibility in
– Participate in Indonesia Mengajar or any other teaching organization
– Own a kindle
– Have a book racks to accommodate all my books that will keep on coming
– Publish my blog? hahahah mmmm
– Invest in meters of area, apartment, or house for future
– Have certain amount of rupiahs in my Indonesian bank account. For social and property investment… Insya Allah
– Go to one/two countries in Asia (maybe Nepal and India?)
– Conquer the ability to play ukulele and bring it to wherever place of my travel destination

will keep adding some more on the list
……………………….

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