Continued from Meet him….
After the Orchestra and North Sea Jazz encounter, I decided to invite him home in the Eid Celebration for the sake of sharing the moments. I cooked the typical Eid dishes and invited some other friends over. The main reason to invite him was merely because I liked him around. I felt like we have the same frequency. Back then, I still had not discovered about facts that he had eyes on me since the beginning, and that he lied to me about the orchestra. He made an excuse that he came to this orchestra in The Hague for his student because she was in it and supposed to play that night. Apparently, it was all made-up stories. No wonder, after the orchestra when I kept on saying ‘let’s meet your friend, I wanted to congratulate her performance’, he persistently said no. I was upset when he told me that he lied. For me the smallest lie is still a lie, so I had to cope up with my emotion and took sometimes to absorb.
There was nothing particularly happened during the Eid celebration lunch. He was helping me out with some stuff in the kitchen which made me captivated. As an Indonesian man, that proactive attitude in household just rarely happen. That is another thing why he is interesting, besides our similarities, he has gone through same process and struggles I did. Which makes it easier to understand each other and be more sensitive in terms of in dependency.
Anyway, it took me sometimes to grasp his ‘white’ lie. But at the end, I decided to accept it and carry on. He tried to fulfill the promise to himself that night when he saw me. Therefore, I proceeded it as an attempt to keep a commitment to himself which I think I should appreciate. After all, he decided to admit and tell me. So I took that gesture.
I did not know anymore what like or love was after my breakup. I was scared to fall and fail again. So I was being honest to him about how I feel and told him to wait for a month. I wanted my alone and silence time with myself to understand what I really want. Then I was off to Andalusia with my family, taking my time.
During the holiday, I could not stop thinking about him. I was praying asking God to lead me the way and help me be so sure to take a decision. Because after my breakup, the next one should be my husband……
To be continued….