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29th January 2014 - 7 min read

My best time on earth is when I am in silence, in solitude, with my very self.
That has become my routine started from a couple of years ago since I started my journey as a (beginner-level) yogi, a meditator (my own terms of people who like to meditate :p), which concludes me as a better-being. I used to have a temper, I used to have a pleasure in torturing my mental (no, not like a psycho) by stressing simple things out.
Since then, I have always been searching for a small times out of my schedule of the day to find back my self to the core.. Like right at this second where my mom is next to me deeply asleep. During the day, it is almost impossible to have a little time with myself due to the high needs of my sister (who just gave birth to her 2nd child) and my mom (who always alwaysss alwayyss busy in the kitchen with her cooks) for my help. For that matter, I choose to have my quality time in the middle of the night when everybody in the house are already gone to bed.

Silence (and music) altogether are my best mood healer.. I personally think, it is a very good way to train myself from getting out of the vicious circle of high level of stress and lack of self-esteem. Why self-esteem, because all thoughts that I (or we) have in mind will be transformed into behavior, behavior becomes habit, habit will be perceived by the beholders, and sometimes (if we don’t love ourselves enough to be able to control the emotion) will tend to create an assumption or definition of ourselves that we are going to take into account, before you know it, it will lead to a different form of stress.

I am proudly say that I am one of those introverts people in this planet. I may not be in the severe condition as some of them are. From my contemplation, I learn that I am the kind of person who isn’t very good at translating what comes in my brain into words, which I am very much grateful that I acknowledge it pretty well as I have a reason to try hard to overcome the weakness. I have a believe that word is very powerful tool to communicate messages and to move people into openness. And for that, I (used to) feel far from content.
I am a perfectionist, which sometimes means that I would put myself in a tough position and blame myself for something that I shouldn’t take. It is the exact reason why sometimes I could be feeling very in-confidence for what I have, why I (used to) always feel far from content. …………………

And you know what, the hardest part (for me) is not a peer-pressure, but self-pressure. The must list I push myself to do… And to accept the weaknesses I have.
By being contemplative, I discover that being perfect (or look perfect) all the time is very much unhealthy. It prevents me to be in the high level of self-consciousness. I’d never understand how it was to have flaws and when someday people discover about the flaws, I’d die form disappointment.

With those things I have… I know where to start improving myself.
From meditation in/not in my prayers, I am no longer a slave of my brain. The negative things used to fill up my mind has already Β been transformed into the positivity I’d like myself to have. And for sure it does some synergy to the outer of each.. Someone says ‘it’s not the load that break you down, it is the way you carry it’.
I have all the right in the world to choose the way of living, and I choose to be stress-free as stress is only a state of mind.


Until I finally find the way to understand and get rid of everything worldy and temporal. By being silent enough to listen to what I am thinking, what I want to convey, and what should not. (And also to hear other people).. I slowly get to know what I want genuinely, and what I want impulsively. I have become an expert in priority-organizing.
I am better because I listen..


As what the youngsters like to say nowadays ‘YOLO’.
Each individual has their way to enjoy their life, because it is indeed ‘YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE’. And for me, that particular terminology is a constant reminder to make myself happy, to be confident, and to live my life to the fullest (of course in my own definition).

00.15 am

‘Writing and planning your dreams equal halfway in reaching those’ – me
And the contemplation tonight results in a 25bucketlist contains things I SHOULD do rather before 25 years old, than before die.

BIGGEST DREAM: To be able to assist people in reaching their happiness.. bermanfaat bagi sesama. Mudah-mudahan….Β 

– Acquire diving diploma
– Go to the Middle East (pilgrimage/umroh) and/or Africa
– Riding horse
– Six pack abs!!
– Conquer headstand skill!
– Move to other countries or move back to Indonesia to reunite πŸ™‚ (it should not be after 25, but before 25, however it can’t be before 24 hihi)
– Have a great great great review on the role I currently have the responsibility in
– Participate in Indonesia Mengajar or any other teaching organization
– Own a kindle
– Have a book racks to accommodate all my books that will keep on coming
– Publish my blog? hahahah mmmm
– Invest in meters of area, apartment, or house for future
– Have certain amount of rupiahs in my Indonesian bank account. For social and property investment… Insya Allah
– Go to one/two countries in Asia (maybe Nepal and India?)
– Conquer the ability to play ukulele and bring it to wherever place of my travel destination

will keep adding some more on the list


26th January 2014 - < 1 min read

‘Berputar menjadi bukan kita, demi menjadi diri kita kembali” – Dee

Life Milestone Quotes Thoughts

The power of ‘pasrah’ (it’s a gift for you, mom and dad!)

26th January 2014 - 8 min read

One of my ways to make me feel better when I am down or to make me even happier when I am in ‘okay’ mode,besides chocolate & cake, is to write down 10 positive things (from the smallest thing, because there’s always a reason to smile) occur in each day. By far, it has always succeeded in putting a smile into my face as it brings positivity into my (-) mind..

Dan sekarang ini saya sedang menulis hal yang sama dari hari ke hari.. hal yang nggak bisa berhenti mengembangkan senyum di hati saya (di wajah sih selalu senyum, tapi di hati kan belum tentu :p) karenaaaa….. (Alhamdulillah!!!) akhirnya setelah pencarian yang tak henti-henti dan tak kunjung datang, saya mendapatkan berita gembiraaaaa bahwa saya mendapat pekerjaan di Belanda. Puji syukur, sujud syukur banget sama Sang pencipta. Susah rasanya untuk percaya kalau tawaran itu memang nyata. Saat saya ditelpon pun saya hanya bisa bengong. Jadi ceritanya Rabu siang tanggal 22 Januari, saya bangun dari tidur siang dan menemukan voicemail di HP saya, ternyata dari orang HR (human resource) PVH. Intinya dia bilang, please call me back.. Setelah komat-kamit dan mengucap bismillah supaya bahasa inggris saya lancar saat bicara (hahaha), karena sama sekali tidak tahu harus mengharap apa dari telepon itu (setelah beberapah hari lalu baru ditolak), saya hanya bertanya-tanya akan mengarah kemana gerangan akhir dari telepon itu.
Dia pun mengangkat dan berbasa basi sebentar dari seberang sana. Dia bilang ‘Congratulations, they’ve decided to offer you the job to be a merchandise coordinator for Tommy Hilfiger’. Yang seberang sini cuma diem beberapa detik lalu… ‘Sorry, can you maybe repeat it again? I am afraid I took it the wrong way.’ hahah dan dia pun ketawa…. Dan memang benar it goes without saying kalau maksudnya adalah penawaran kerja. Alhamdulillahhhhhhh… And it’s Tommy Hilfiger (TH)… believe it or not, since the beginning I jumped myself into fashion industry, I knew, I wanted to work for Tommy Hilfiger (somehow)… While I was working at Mexx as an intern, people often asked me “what’s next / what would you do after”. I said, I wanna be an intern at Tommy Hilfiger… But, the destiny brought me into a different place where I had no regret to be once part of the team (CK) which actually under the same umbrella as TH. I got to know the people, company culture and working environment, and I just fell in love. I think He secretly has planned all of these as a preparation for me to be someday working there. And He proves it right πŸ™‚ I am very very much glad of what’s been written by Him πŸ™‚
Beberapa hari lalu baru close deal.. Semoga smua lancar dan mereka happy dengan performance saya. Aamiin…

Sebenarnya saya mengira posisi itu sudah hilang dan saya tidak berharap untuk mendengar feedback dari mereka karena sudah lewat sebulan. Tapi things indeed come when you least expect it and when you surrender. Itu terbukti banget……. Alhamdulillah
And it really happened at the right time (just like my dream was), I wanted to get a job at least when my mom or both mom&dad are here.. Voila… It’s just granted like that. I really owe Him big time πŸ˜€

What I was feeling at that moment? Light… Rasanya saya berada di awang-awang, terutama setelah saya mendapat kabar tentang undangan interview dari beberapa perusahaan lain, yang di tengah-tengah terpaksa harus saya putus prosesnya. Rasanya usaha-usaha saya paid off.. Kembali ke perasaan light, memang benar ya kata-kata ‘we have to keep ourselves grounded’. Karena seriously, when good things keep coming to your life, it’s when you really need to be worried. Why? Itu cobaan paling serius untuk manusia, saat dia merasa comfort, senang, dan bangga.. Manusia jadi mudah untuk merasa sombong, lupa bersyukur dan lupa berbagi, jadinya ‘kedunyan’. Semoga saya dijauhkan dari sifat-sifat seperti itu. Aamiinn

Saya tidak bisa berhenti bersyukur padaNya…. Janji Dia memang tidak pernah Dia ingkari. Saya merasa ini adalah buah dari kerja keras dan do’a-do’a saya (yang tidak akan ada artinya jika tidak dibantu dengan doa orang tua). Memang jalan rejeki masing-masing sudah dituliskan, tapi bagaimana cara kita mencapainya dan sekeras apa usaha kita untuk menuju kesana 100% ada di tangan kita. Saya pun sadar betul akan hal itu…. Pada akhirnya usaha dan hasil akan berbanding lurus… Hanya waktunya saja yang dirahasiakan…
Memang mudah untuk berbicara, tapi tidak mudah jika seseorang harus dihadapkan pada kondisi harus menunggu…. menunggu apapun adalah hal yang paling menyebalkan, terutama menunggu nasib HAHAHA
Tapi dalam tahapan menunggu itu, banyak sekali hal yang (harusnya) bisa kita dapat.. Kurasa memang si Pencipta menyiapkan mental saya untuk bisa lebih bijaksana menghadapi sesuatu, menjadi penyabar, dan tidak pantang menyerah. Mungkin kemarin-kemarin ini saya dimudahkan jalannya untuk mendapat yang saya inginkan, tapi tidak dengan mendapatkan kerja.. Mungkin kata Tuhan, saya belum siap.
Saya sangat struggle pada prosesnya, terutama mengetahui satu per satu teman saya sudah mulai dihire oleh perusahaan-perusahaan ternama. Kapan giliran saya ya? The best mantra is, the best is yet to come and all is well. Dan yang terjadi pasti yang terbaik…

Jika Juni 2013 setelah lulus, saya langsung mendapat kerja, kemungkinan saya tidak akan sebegitu menghargai dan se-bersyukur ini. Terkadang, memang manusia harus diingatkan untuk kembali pada jalan yang benar.. Untuk meminta dan mendekat padaNya.. Itu juga yang saya lakukan, bukan hanya alasan agar mendapat kerja. Tapi hasil dari introspeksi diri saya (yang akhir-akhir ini sering saya lakukan) mengatakan, ada alasan mengapa Allah menuliskan jalan hidup saya seperti ini. Bapak saya berkali-kali mengingatkan ‘selalu berbaik sangka kepadaNya’, jadi instead of saya menyalahkan Allah dengan hasil reject-an yang berkali-kali saya terima dalam 6 bulan proses pencarian kerja, saya pun mencari kekurangan dari diri saya (yang membuat saya lebih mengenal diri saya lagi, dan menjadi orang yang lebih baik karena saya tidak berhenti belajar). Dan kekurangan itu ada banyak sekaliiiiiiiiiii….

In the bottom line, saya selalu berkata ‘mungkin memang bukan jodohnya dan belum rejekinya’. Yang terbaik lagi menunggu kedatangan kita di ujung jalan. Butuh banyak usaha dan keringat untuk saya sebagai traveller mencapai titik itu. Daripada saya ngebut tapi babak belur saat sampai tujuan, mending saya pelan-pelan tapi non stop dan bijaksana memilih jalan. Alhamdulillah memang itu yang terjadi…. Hingga akhirnya saya ikhlas dan mengikuti jalur yang membawa saya hingga ke garis ini atas tuntunanNya..

Tidak ada yang tidak mungkin kok… Kalau kita determined enough untuk memiliki cita-cita, berusaha keras untuk mewujudkannya, dan berpasrah padaNya, Insya Allah akan diberi jalan. Ikhitar dan Tawakkal kuncinya…

Tapi travelling saya di dunia belum selesai karena masih banyak lagi yang ingin dan harus saya capai.. masih panjang bentang jalan yang harus dilalui dan pemberhentian yang harus didatangi. Saya nggak sabarrrrr untuk take the ride and feel the bumpy road… πŸ˜€ untuk melihat kejutan-kejutan apa yang ada disana…

For me, it’s a milestone… A milestone that gets me one step closer to my dream.. my wild dreams.

ps. It’s for you, mom and dad! I hope I’ll bring happiness in your life by being a child you wanted me to be and a child who can bring smiles to other people. Someday, somehow
Feeling good to already scratch one of this year’s resolutions πŸ™‚ Alhamdulillah..