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Becoming minimalist day by day

6th April 2015 - 7 min read

It’s ironic how human tends to waste money for something unnecessary, by human it is certainly including me.
Start from last year after getting a job, simultaneously I am more considerate about how people are living on the other side of the world. It just happenned to me after I have witnessed lots of things in my 20 yrs of existence and Unfairness still predominently filling my mind seeing those who suffer somewhere else. I feel guilty to have all the glitz and glam while other people are in challenged and having a difficult time. I am glad that my surroundings keep me grounded because the actual testing for human is not when they are poor and suffer, but when they are high and happy – a saying by someone famous. It’s literally the real ordeal when we have everything. I m not saying at all that I am rich, in fact I am hardly saving up for my future plans. But after all, I am earning some amount of money monthly which were something new for me, that thankfully relatively more than what my age earns, especially in my own country. And that transition period normally creates more demand and consumpiton in humany daily behaviour. And that is true..

I thank God that from my childhood, my dad has been very discipline about conducting considerably great parenting to be invested in all of his children. He’s never spoiled any of his kids, well according to my siblings, I have always been the one he has spoiled and yet I have never felt so. Therefore, i can imagine what my siblings were feeling growing up. He’s the most headstrong man and knows exactly where to stand, which at the end creates the best example for four of us. He has planted a mindset to be always live moderately and share fully. 

He is the best philantrophic whom I can always look up to. I remember when I was kid, I cried asking for a cellphone just because all of my friends had them. As a teenager, I felt life was unfair, or well he was unfair because I know he had the money. I could not understand the whole concept of being modest, and the reasoning of it. …. It’s because my family is adequate financially. I always got jealous watching other kids in junior high school running around with their branded stuff, while I barely got new pair of shoes after the other one broken. My dad always says, wear till it’s torn apart and can’t be worn anymore. Otherwise it’s a waste because there are people who can’t even think of buying new shoes, because they are busy thinking how to live and what to eat tomorrow. Little did I know, he has been responsible in some people’s college tuition fee.

Tracing back, I actually have been a compassionate person from when I was a kid in which I think that’s the result of my dad ‘s lesson, by compassionate I mean I can’t stand seeing people in front of me suferring. However, I still buy a lot of unnecessary things with my pocket money or money I earned from working part time. Although it may seem that the whole concept of being modest and minimalist are not acquired so well by me, but it recorded in my brain so well that subconciously that lesson has always stayed. I noticed when I walked in to 20th period of my existence on this planet… when my eyes are wider-open and when I start carefully listening to my inner core. I feel guilty to spend too much money on something. I want to live modest like my dad and share some to other people, yet i didn’t have money that time because I was still a student.

Now that I have a job, I practice of what my dad taught me and understand why he’s never easy in
giving me something. Because all those things require hardwork. And because everything I acquired up to this point involved hardwork, I’ve never been an impulsive spender. I start to understand the value of things.. I try my best to spend things wisely. Too many of my friends older than me have no savings in their 30s and I dont want that to happen to me. Instead, I would love to be able to be a philantrophic by then, meaning that I can already build an empire of my own, before helping others……

The way of keeping my financial running and be minimalist is as following:

1. Invest in any kind of investement instrument: Reksadana.. I am still learning, and got opinion from here and there not to play stocks or trading just yet until I am confident and have the time to. Keep the money running and not stay in place.
2. It’s okay to buy things, at the end life should be balance, but also give up something.
3. Give away extra stuff you have, I cannot really define extras, because you will never get enough. Think about it, thesedays, people have too much stuff that when things lost in between (got stuck in the laundry machine or borrowed by someone), you don’t even notice. So give away, it may end up in someones in need. There is redcross bin in particular locations in the Netherlands, so everything is well maintained and distrubuted. I usually throw my wearable textiles or shoes there.
4. Donate your money to clean up your financial account. I personally believe that sharing your income to people in need will even give you more blessings (It’s something taught in my faith/religion). It feels great to give back to society.
5. Target secondary expenditure every month, allocate to travel, concert, living life basically.

I sure will teach my kids not to buy things but to learn a value of something and to be modest. Again, this is me.. On the other hands, my dad also always says “we can believe what we have believe in is right, but there’s always chance that what other people believe is also right”

Self growth Thoughts

Copied.. It’s worth to read, keep, and share

2nd March 2015 - 11 min read
The scenario I’m about to describe has happened to me more times than I can count, in more cities than I can remember, mostly in Western cities here in the U.S. and Europe.
I walk into a store. There’s a woman shopping in the store that I can clearly identify as Muslim. In some scenarios she’s standing behind the cash register tallying up totals and returning change to customers. She’s wearing a headscarf. It’s tightly fastened under her face where her head meets her neck. Arms covered to the wrists. Ankles modestly hidden behind loose fitting pants or a long, flowy dress. She’s Muslim. I know it. Everyone around her knows it. I stare at her briefly and think to myself, “She can’t tell if I’m staring at her because I think she is a spectacle or because I recognize something we share.”
I realize this must make her uncomfortable, so I look away. I want to say something, something that indicates I’m not staring because I’m not familiar with how she chooses to cover herself. Something that indicates that my mother dresses like her. That I grew up in an Arab state touching the Persian Gulf where the majority dresses like her. That I also face East and recite Quran when I pray.
“Should I greet her with A’salamu alaikum?” I ask myself. Then I look at what I picked out to wear on this day. A pair of distressed denim short shorts, a button-down Oxford shirt, and sandals. My hair is a big, curly entity on top of my head; still air-drying after my morning shower. Then I remember my two nose rings, one hugging my right nostril, the other snugly hanging around my septum. The rings have become a part of my face. I don’t notice them until I have to blow my nose or until I meet someone not accustomed to face piercings.
I decide not to say anything to her. I pretend that we have nothing in common and that I don’t understand her native tongue or the language in which she prays. The reason I don’t connect with her is that I’m not prepared for a possibly judgmental glance up and down my body. I don’t want to read her mind as she hesitantly responds, “Wa’alaikum a’salam.”
I’m guilty of judging and projecting my thoughts onto her before giving her a chance to receive this information and respond to it. It’s wrong. My hesitation in these scenarios comes from knowing that a sizable number of people from my religion look at people dressed like me and write us off as women who have lost their way and veered off the path of Islam. I don’t cover my thighs, let alone my ankles. (The most dominant Islamic schools of thought consider a woman’s ankles to be ‘awrah, meaning an intimate part of her body, and revealing it is undoubtedly a sin.) Nothing in my outward appearance speaks to or represents the beliefs I carry. Some might even get to know me and still label me as a non-practicing Muslim—I drink whiskey and I smoke weed regularly.
However, I am a practicing Muslim. I pray (sometimes), fast, recite the travel supplication before I start my car’s engine, pay my zakkah (an annual charitable practice that is obligatory for all that can afford it) and, most importantly, I feel very Muslim. There are many like me. We don’t believe in a monolithic practice of Islam. We love Islam, and because we love it so much we refuse to reduce it to an inflexible and fossilized way of life. Yet we still don’t fit anywhere. We’re more comfortable passing for non-Muslims, if it saves us from one or more of the following: unsolicited warnings about the kind punishment that awaits us in hell, unwelcomed advice from a stranger that starts with “I am like your [insert relative],” or an impromptu lecture, straight out of a Wahhabi textbook I thought was nonsense at age 13.
Islamic studies was part of my formal education until I graduated from high school in the United States. The textbooks we used were from Saudi Arabia, which is the biggest follower of the Wahhabi sect of Islam. The first time I realized it was okay to verbalize how nonsensical these books were was when I was watching a movie with my mother about a family that lost one of their children due to a terminal disease. I must have been 6 or 7 years old. My mother said something to the effect of, “I know Allah has a special place in heaven for mothers that lose their children at a young age.” I looked at my mom and asked her, “Even if they’re not Muslim?” Without breaking eye contact with the TV set she responded, “Even if they’re not Muslim.”
That was all the permission I needed to allow myself to believe in a more compassionate God than the one spoken about in these textbooks. My parents are pretty religious. They don’t know I smoke or drink. I’m honestly not quite sure how they would react to knowing that I do, but I’m not exactly ready to find out. They encouraged me and my sister to wear headscarves, but they didn’t force us to. Like most parents they didn’t want us wearing anything too revealing or attention grabbing. They would not approve of my wearing shorts.
When it became fairly evident that we weren’t always praying five times a day, they mostly stayed quiet and occasionally spoke to us about the benefits of prayer. My mother loved reading novels by American writers. She loved movies. She loved music. She tried hard to memorize the Quran, but thought she started too late. They welcomed our male friends and didn’t look at us with suspicion when we walked out of the house with them. My parents hoped their children would closely follow in their footsteps, but trusted us with our own choices.
I’m steadfast in my belief that exploring and wandering are the reasons I know I am Muslim. Learning about Buddhism brought me closer to Islam because it taught me what surrendering means, a lesson none of my Islamic studies teachers have been able to teach me even though that’s literally what Islam means. My Islamic studies teachers taught me how to how to obsess about the mundane—about all the things I’m doing incorrectly and therefore my prayers will not be accepted. They taught me guilt. They taught me fear. They taught me that being a good Muslim is difficult.
I never quite rejected Islam, I just took a break from going through the motions of prayer out of guilt. I wanted to see if I could be compelled to return to my prayer rug. I did. I returned when I felt like my life was empty without worship. I prayed out of gratitude. I prayed and it gave me solace. Ablution became less about splashing water over various parts of my body and felt more like a daily cleanse. A baptism. I stopped obsessing about the small things and my new mantra was “Al-‘amal bil niyat,” which means actions are dependent on their intentions. My other mantra was “Al deen yusr,” which translates to religion is ease.
Exploring and wandering gave me the tools I needed to critically look at the hypocrisy of the ‘ulama’a (Islamic elites/scholars/clerics). I realized that I did not have to practice my religion from the point of view of a largely misogynistic group of people. Two years ago, I denounced most hadith (prophetic traditions and sayings), fiqh (Islamic jurisprudence) and tafseer (interpretation) because these three things, all of which play a huge part in how Islam is practiced today, are filtered through the perspective of Muslims born into normalized extreme patriarchy.
I haven’t denounced all hadith. I kept the ones that undisputedly made me a better person by teaching me a lesson in morality, kindness, and patience. The two mantras I mentioned above were, in fact, adopted from hadith. The mantra, “Religion is ease” is from a hadith related by Abu Hurayra, one of the Prophet’s companions and the mantra, “actions are dependent on their intentions” is from a hadith related by Umar ibn al-Khattab, one of the successors of the Prophet.
I mentioned before that there are many like me. Outliers, outsiders, passing as non-Muslims in the vicinity of other Muslims. When confronted, our stance on religion is waived off as a rebellious phase or an urge to fit in with the dominant non-Muslim society we live in. Despite this feeling of not belonging, we are, generally speaking, not tormented by this existence. We live very healthy, dynamic, and diverse lives. We’ve established connections and common ground with many different groups of people and we don’t feel like pariahs. We’ve accepted that until a drastic cultural change happens, we’re going to continue to lead dual or multiple lives.
I have a new mantra these days, a short surah titled Al-Kafirun (the Disbelievers). For me, the disbelievers, commonly understood to mean those who don’t believe in God and the prophet, also take the form of those who disbelieve that I, too, am a Muslim. The last ayah states, “Lakum deenakum wa liya deen,” meaning for you is your religion, and for me is my religion. A simple phrase that holds the power of interconnectedness in spite of our differences. A verse that can empower me to smile at and greet the woman in the headscarf without fear of judgment.
Thanaa El-Naggar has been living in the U.S. for the last 19 years and currently resides in Brooklyn, NY.
Dreams Self growth Thoughts

A dream is not just a dream

1st March 2015 - 4 min read

Mimpi adalah janji… Janji kepada diri kita sendiri.
Mimpi membuat kita tahu kemana arah diri, kemana kami harus pergi menjejaki….


Belakangan ini saya lagi semangat-semangatnya menuliskan target saya dalam 4 tahun ke depan. Mimpi itu berkaitan erat sekali dengan target. Karena target bisa terbentuk karena mimpi.

Mimpi saya adalah menjadi berkat untuk sesama manusia, membuat orang tua saya bahagia, yang tentunya akan membuat diri saya sendiri bahagia. Saya bersyukur sekali mempunyai partner yang selalu support di segala hal yang saya pilih, karena itu juga akan menentukan seberapa cepat daya bergerak dan menentukan arah ke depan.

Saya bermimpi untuk difeature di sebuah magazine sebelum saya berumur 30 untuk meliput kesuksesan bisnis saya atau kegiatan saya sebagai filantropi aamiin yarobbal alamiin. Target saya adalah membuat bisnis sebelum saya kembali ke Indonesia, sehingga saat saya kembali kesana for good, saya sudah memiliki bayi yang hanya perlu dibesarkan. Beberapa bulan yang lalu saya research dan melihat peluang-peluang yang terbuka di Indonesia untuk dijadikan bisnis, ternyata sudah banyak sekali area-area bisnis yang succesfully covered. Perkembangan UKM di Indonesia memang sangat pesat 5 tahun belakangan ini, rasanya mudah menyetir kebutuhan di Indonesia karena gaya hidup penduduknya yang konsumtif. Saat saya sedang berpikir keras menggunakan logika untuk memutuskan bisnis apa yang saya ingin geluti, saya kembali menggunakan intuisi dan afirmasi saya. Ternyata, untuk personality saya dan mimpi saya, saya ingin mengkreasikan sesuatu yang sifatnya personal untuk orang lain, karena saya sendiri suka dengan sesuatu yang disentuh dan dibuat secara personal. I want to give value to someone’s life personally.
Selain itu saya pun harus kembali berpikir mengnai hobby dan passion saya untuk meformulasikan keinginan saya. I am pretty self-concious, and I know I have to form my ambition into words so I understand myself what i really want. I was trying to listen deeply to my self because to distinct what I think I want and what I really want is incredibly tricky. 
Background saya adalah fashion dan saya memiliki beberapa tahun pengalam di fashion industry. Tapi menurut saya, just fashion dan mengikuti trend adalah sesuatu yg terlalu supericial.
Lalu saya teringat bagaimana cintanya saya terhadap jewelry, betapa saya sangat excited akhirnya bisas meng-order cincin idaman saya dari MINNONMADE. I always have something for jewelry and it always means something to me, especially when it’s delivered personally. Karena at the end of the day, what matters the most is the fact that it touches someone’s heart. I want to have that message…
Akhirnya saya pun membentuk 1st moodboard and it got me all excited. Saya ingin mengambil kelas jewelry di Bali… Mengerti ilmu di bidang tersebut. Mudah-mudahan bisa terealisasi tahun ini. Dan mudah-mudahan busa tercapai dengan baik.

Saya bermimpi untuk bisa kembali ke indonesia dan menjalankan bisnis saya. Saya berjanji pada diri sendiri untuk keluar dari pekerjaan saya sekarang di Spring 2017, dan menggunakan cuti-cuti akhir saya untuk Euro Trip dengan sahabat saya, Bendot. Dan saya akan kembali ke Indonesia bersama dengan dia… Saya akan mulai sekolah master saya dengan major psikologi either di Indonesia UI atau di Australia. Yang artinya saya harus menyiapkan persyaratan-persyaratan untuk sekolah dan beasiwa mulai tahun depan. Life issss sooo shorttt, it’ll get there before I know it. That’s why i have to schedule it properly and that’s what I want to do.

Dan semoga bisa settle down with my partner and living in my dream house with big windows (even this, I know exactly what I want)

Saya berharap semua ini adalah awal dari saya membuat perubahan dan bisa membantu sesama….

Bismillah hirrohmanirrohim….

Hidup di Belanda Thoughts

5 Juni – Pesta Demokrasi

6th July 2014 - 5 min read

Akhirnya memutuskan, akhirnya menyatakan ketegasan..

Kemarin di Belanda sudah dilaksanakan pemilihan Presiden, lokasi tepatnya di Kedutaan Besar RI di Den Haag. Saya tebak Pilpres kali ini jauh lebih seru dibanding Pilpres2 yang pernah digelar sebelumnya, karena kuatnya masing2 calon. Tapi saya tidak menyangka, animo masyarakat di luar negeri amatlah luar biasa. Walau ada 2 pilihan cara untuk memilih, dengan surat dan dengan partisipasi langsung ke TPS, pemilih yang datang langsung ke Den Haag sangatlah membludak. Panjang antrean mencapai 400 meter, antre sendiri bisa sampai 3 jam, bahkan ada yang pingsan karena lagi bulan puasa.
Tapi tidak saya dengar sama sekali orang mengeluh dan menyia-akan kesempatan ini dengan balik badan dan pulang. Mereka mengerti di hati yang paling dalam, jika mereka mengambil keputusan itu, tanah air kita bisa jatuh ke seseorang yang menurut mereka tidak pantas. Mereka merasa ini worth the consequences, the effort, and sweats.
Berada di dalam antrian, saya menemukan berbagai macam warna kultur indonesia. Mereka ramai berbisik-bisik menyatakan bahwa ini adalah kali pertama mereka menyumbangkan suaranya untuk pemilihan presiden. Ada yang datang dari Amsterdam, Rotterdam, Eindhoven, benar-benar dari segala penjuru Belanda 🙂 Dan saya pun tersenyum bangga, bahagia, dan penuh harap. Ohya, saya jadi dapat beberapa kenalan baru saat mengantre. Begitulah guyub-nya indonesia, tidak individual dan sangat peduli terhadap siapa pun disekitarnya. Selalu bertegur sapa.. Sayang sekali jika keberagaman ini dibuat menjadi seragam. Tawa canda karena perbedaan itu akan ikut musnah. Kebanggaan indonesia yang berbhineka akan hilang. Mari sama-sama menolak itu… menolak keseragaman.

Kembali ke tingginya animo para penduduk di Belanda yang berkebangsaan Indonesia, bukankah kita semua ingin perubahan dan indonesia lebih baik? Harapan baru itu bukan omong kosong….
Sikap semangat dan tak kenal lelah para pencoblos inilah yang membuktikan dan memecahkan tempurung keputusasaan dalam melihat harapan Indonesia ke depan. Mengapa? Mereka melihat dari calon yang diusung…

Saya bukan orang yang doyan berdiskusi komprehensif mengenai politik, tapi kala ini, saya tidak punya pilihan lain. Saya harus berusaha dan mengerti 2 pilihan yang dijajakan. Hasilnya, menurut pendapat objektif saya, kedua calon pemimpin ini sangatlah kontras. Saya merasa saya berkewajiban untuk menyatakan ketegasan saya karena kekontrasan keduanya terlalu lantang, 1 si pemberi instruksi atau 2 si pengajak kolaborasi.

Dengan ini saya menyatakan pertanggungjawaban atas pilihan saya #akhirnyapilihjokowi
Revolusi mental itu sangat perlu di negara yang sudah hampir kering dihisap oleh benalu penguasa ini (dikutip dari Dewi Lestari).

Saya menangis terharu melihat aksi orang2 yang berasal dari ekonomi bawah mengelu-elukan sosok Jokowi, karena mereka merasa aman dan tentram dipimpin oleh sosok yang berasal dari mereka pula. Sosok sederhana, biasa, yang selalu menyebarkan rasa nyaman kepada yang dibawahinya. Sesosok yang membuat orang-orang seakan faham akan makna revolusi, dia yang teruji dan bekerja, tidak hanya berjanji dan sibuk berkuasa. Walaupun saya berada di luar negeri, saya dengan sangat mudah dan rasa aman memberi amanah kepada Jokowi untuk memperbaiki negeri dan menyongsong indonesia yang lebih baik. Mudah-mudahan!!

Saya menepati janji saya, saya tidak golput jika Jokowi maju menjadi Presiden #salamduajari

Photo live dari TKP

1. Suasana di dalam yang penuh sesak dan pengap, tapi masih bisa mengembangkan senyum

2. Pada saat antre dengan semangat membara untuk memilih (Aqila with her pose choice :P, mbak Iris, mbak Vicka, dan mas Holly)

3. Bukti kami telah menggunakan hak dan kewajiban untuk memilih (dengan kenalan baru yang bertemu di Bus :D)

4. Saya sedang menggendon Medina, bercengkrama dengan beberapa teman lama yang dipertemukan di acara ini. Salah satu cara untuk kill the time dan menikmati antrean puanjaaang. Iya, itu sampai belakang situ..

#untukindonesialebihbaik

Quotes Thoughts

1st April 2014 - < 1 min read

I love see yous and goodbyes.. Because of its existence I could value someone better. Because of its existence I could be certain I get closer to see that person again. -Me-

Safe flight Mama dan Bapak!!

Thoughts

Today’s dialogue

23rd March 2014 - 6 min read

It is a sunny day here in The Hague, at least that is what I can see from where I am sitting right now. Mom said it is actually cold outside, but who am I kidding we’re all originally coming from tropical real hot country. We will always be feeling cold.

I have been stressing out lately about my job responsibility at the office.. as per always hehe Sometimes, I  get extremely jealous with those who were born very lucky to not to even get bothered by whatever condition they are in. Some simply have a kind of character, others are just being ignorant, some are lucky enough to have a very easy life (if that’s existing, but I bet for some people it is), and few of them are earning their tranquility. I want to be the last one… But the real question is how?
What am I searching in this life? The ultimate equanimity.. That is my definition of where I can find peace and happiness. And it could be retrieved by being a philanthropist. Sure enough, I have not been through that point at the moment. I just graduated last year, recently got a job, still struggling in one… How can I get that serenity in life when my dream has not yet been achieved?
My long contemplation result is it is not the matter of life achievement, it is not the matter of our dream fulfillment, it is the matter of us having felt content and grateful on whatever we have. I recently just read the worth reading Mitch Alboom’s book, Tuesdays with Morrie. A lot of things I learnt from the coming death… Of someone whom organ function slowly vanishes but the soul stays. It is the soul that sing along during our journey in the place where we are meant to be lost. This book clearly depicts how each people in this world have 2 attributes that make them human, it is the body and the soul. If there is a Jake, there will be 2 Jakes, Jake physically and Jake soul. Soul is a medium that is genuine, that is where the core of each being is located, where it forces you to not lie in life, and where pure love is actually at. When Jake is gone, burried below the ground, soul will stay.. and will slide to what is around another medium who is ready to have such souls, the chosen one. A theory of reincarnation they call… What the story is trying to tell is how important the soul is that makes it counted as literally one being, without it, it’s just a walking cold corpse. I dont believe in reincarnation, but I believe that soul is a tool (look how rhyme it is).. A tool from where you can have your life secured. Just like a nail, it is rather invisible, but the existence is highly crucial for the development of furniture, a tool that gives a furniture life and value…
It is almost impossible to have a clean clean clean soul… we get angry, we get things out of our control, we are disappointed, “But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is.. You know what love is.. You know what grief is. And only then can you joyfully say ‘I am strong and grateful to be at this point of life’.”
I just can’t live myself as if I am in the dream where I am about to achieve, because it is not created over night.. It is a long long long long process involving many form of emotions that help to develop a kind of heart and soul I want to be. As when I get there someday, I am ready to bear the no-kidding responsibilities, adult life, being a mom of hundred children, a wife.

‘It is very simple. As you grow, you learn more. If you stayed at twenty two, you’d always be as ignorant as you were twenty two. Aging is not just decay. It is growth. It’s more than the negative that you are going to die, it is also the positive that you understand you’re going to die and that you live a better life because of it’ – another Mitch’s moment.. 

I want to enjoy the present moment, I will not hold back the feeling I have in my heart as it is a process for maturity, a process to understand better the value of a thing, a value of emotion, a process to be grateful at one point of my life. I want to enjoy…… to enjoy without any attachment to any body, any goods.
Detach myself for whatever around me, and let loose………..
Let my body and my soul dance freely, enjoy the move of upbeat updown music. At the end, all the things I may encounter in my life will just seem easy. But it is not easy to make it easy, it is easy enough to laugh instead. Laugh it through.. Because I am enough and nobody can change the way I think I am.

written in a room where surrealism comes, a tile above my head, a bed like in a princess castle, my niece little play room..

Self growth Thoughts

Jilbabku..

9th February 2014 - 10 min read

Caution: Saya nulis ini hanya bertujuan untuk mengingatkan diri saya sendiri jika nanti akhirnya memutuskan untuk menggunakan jilbab, bahwa jilbab bukan hanya ornamen dalam berpakaian melainkan identitas diri yang sangat esensial. 

Kenapa jilbabku? Apakah saya menggunakan jilbab atau ingin berjilbab dalam waktu dekat? Jawabannya tidak. Kata -ku disini merepresentasikan masing-masing individual sebagai kata kepunyaan, karena menurut saya pribadi saat hijab itu menempel di kepala, hijab itu adalah milik kita yang harus kita pertanggungjawabkan.
Saya termasuk orang yang beruntung karena saya diberi jalan untuk memiliki kesempatan untuk mengobservasi orang-orang dari latar belakang dan kultur yang berbeda-beda. Di Belanda, banyak sekali imigran-imigran dari negara muslim yang didominasi oleh Turki dan Maroko. Tiap tahun jumlah mereka selalu bertambah, hampir 3%. Sehingga di setiap meter kita berjalan, orang-orang itu tidak akan pernah luput dari pandangan dan perhatian. Bukan hanya wajah yang eksotis dan kearab-arab-an yang menarik, tapi perilaku mereka yang cenderung negatif dan tidak bermanner. Saya tidak berstereotype, tapi begitulah nyatanya, sebagian besar dari mereka yang berjiilbab dan membawa nama besar arabian/middle east malah yang tidak berakhlak. Sekali lagi, tidak semuanya.. Tapi sebagian besar..
Whilst pada kenyataan, jika 3 orang dalam satu komunitas membuat kesalahan, satu komunitas itu akan terlihat tercela. Nila setitik, rusak susu sebelanga. Tidak perlu jauh-jauh memikirkan issue teroris di planet ini, atau jaringan-jaringan islam yang sudah keluar dari syariah agama itu sendiri *duile tinggi amat* Di depan mata saya, saya melihat jelas bagaimana orang-orang islam ini “mencorat-coret” nama dan wajah muslim mereka. Itukah cerminan islam yang sesungguhnya? Tentu sebagian besar penduduk asli di sini bertanya-tanya, what is wrong with this religion? has it been taught? has it written?. Telah hilang rasa percaya mereka terhadap orang-orang ini, yang sayangnya adalah muslim. Kaya logika matematika A+B, B+C-> A=C. Akhirnya, orang-orang islam dipandang sebelah mata, dipertimbangkan dalam skala internasional sebagai ancaman. Ouch.. It hurts

Anyways, itu tadi hanya sedikit gambaran.
Saat saya pertama kali menapakkan kaki di Belanda, teman-teman bule saya heran karena saya muslim tapi tidak berjilbab. Saya memberi jawaban yang hanya ‘numpang lewat’, tapi saya sadar bahwa itu tidak akan merubah image islam di mata dunia, jika tidak dimulai dari skala kecil. Karena saya juga sedang belajar akhirnya saya pun mencari tau makna dan alasan sesungguhnya mengapa saya tidak menutup kepala hingga detik ini, selain karena belum siap tentunya.
Jujur saja, saya pernah meragukan agama saya yang saya anut, tentang keeksistensian Tuhan dsb. Kenapa orang-orang disini yang tidak paham akan konsep Tuhan dan agama cenderung lebih bahagia, lebih disiplin, lebih makmur, lebih beruntung, tidak ada korupsi, lebih mengasihi dan toleran? Kenapa sih? Apa takdir itu tidak ada wujudnya, apa kita menentukan sendiri jalan hidup kita selama kita disiplin dan bekerja keras? Memang susah mendeskripsikan hal yang tidak berwujud. Tapi saat saya mendengar lebih dalam, hal yang bisa saya simpulkan adalah mereka tidak memiliki tujuan hidup, karena mereka tidak percaya akan adanya pemberhentian berikutnya setelah dari dunia. Jadinya, mereka melakukan semua hal yang membuat mereka bahagia dan semuanya berkaitan dengan nilai-nilai duniawi. Ada sebagian diri mereka yang hilang.. Tidak perlu mereka berkata, tapi saya bisa melihat. Tidak ada tempat mengadu selain manusia, akhirnya mereka melampiaskan kegelisahannya pada ‘minuman-minuman’ dan kebahagiaan duniawi lainnya.
Di perjalanan pencarian saya, saya membaca sebuah buku yang memiliki jawaban logis yang cocok untuk para atheist/agnostic yang mengarah pada pertanyaan ‘mengapa kamu sholat, mengapa kamu beribadah untuk hal yang tak jelas?’. Kadang pertanyaan soal mempercayai hal abstrak memang mengembang. Ngapain nyusahin hidup sendiri, melakukan peraturan undang-undang ‘agama’ kalau toh kita nggak tau kalau memang benar-benar ada surga dan neraka. Kita perlu menganalogikan surga sebagai asuransi. Contoh: kita membayar asuransi untuk handphone setiap bulan tanpa mengetahui apakah akan berguna atau tidak, tapi kita merasa aman saat asuransi di bayar dan di tangan. Jadi saat tiba-tiba handphone kita jatuh dan pecah, semuanya terasa lebih mudah dan yang dibayar selama ini paid off. Sama dengan Tuhan dan surga, kita beribadah pun akan merasa aman dan tenang (karena kita percaya), saat ternyata surga memang tidak ada, there’s nothing to lose, karena kita melakukannya tidak dengan keterpaksaan dan dengan rasa aman yang tak tergantikan. Tapi jika ternyata memang ada, kita pun beruntung dan memiliki bahagia abadi..
Ada sebuah cerita, seseorang sedang potong rambut di seorang tukang cukur. Tiba-tiba tukang cukur itu membuka percakapan, ‘saya tidak percaya dengan adanya Tuhan’. Yang dipotong pun berkata ‘kenapa?’. Karena kalau Tuhan memang ada, tidak akan ada kemiskinan, korupsi, dll. Yang rambutnya dipotong pun hanya mengangguk sambil berpikir keras. Setelah selesai, dia  pun keluar dan melihat seorang pengamen berbaju lusuh dan berambut gondrong. Lalu orang itu pun bertanya kepada dirinya sendiri, kenapa bapak itu berambut gondrong dan kotor seperti tidak pernah dicuci, padahal kan ada tukang cukur? Bukan berarti ada tukang cukur lalu semua orang harus memotong dan memelihara rambutnya kan? Dan bukan berarti tukang cukur bertanggung jawab atas hak preogratif orang-orang untuk mencukur dan merawat rambut mereka? Yak, dia pun mendapatkan jawabannya. Begitu pun dengan kasus pertanyaan Tuhan…

Kemarin sore, saya mengantar Qila, keponakan saya, mengaji TPA di masjid Indonesia di Belanda. Saya bertemu dengan seorang teman yang baru-baru ini memutuskan berjilbab, lalu kita bercakap-cakap yg dimulai dengan celetukan saya ‘pengen deh sebenernya berjilbab’. Dia dengan cepat menjawab, ‘ah ngapain, tar dulu aja masih muda, nikmatin dulu’. Alasan dari jawaban itu saya bisa mengerti, tapi kalau menunggu siap dan menjilbabi hati terlebih dahulu, sampai kapanpun pasti akan ada alasan untuk tidak berjilbab.
Ada beberapa kepercayaan yang mengatakan bahwa memakai jilbab tidak bisa diperbandingkan dengan akhlaq. Karena memakai jilbab adalah kewajiban, sedangkan perilaku tergantung pribadi masing-masing. Sama dengan orang sholat tapi mencuri, orang puasa tapi bergosip.. Apakah memakai jilbab memang kewajiban? Baca al-quran lagi deh 🙂 secara pribadi yang saya anut, memakai jilbab adalah identitas yang harus dipertanggungjawabkan.
Setelah saya pikir-pikir lagi, jika saya nanti menggunakan jilbab, saya perlu bertanya kembali mengapa saya memutuskan itu? Karena pada saatnya nanti, saya ingin menggunakannya sesuai syar’i dan tidak hanya asal menutup kepala. Juga dengan attitude dan manner yang sederhana dan berkelas sebagai seorang wanita. Tentu saja, ini hanya pandangan pribadi saya. Sekian.

intermezzo
Eh iya ada fakta menarik deh, saya dan kakak ipar saya ngobrol casual tentang ajaran-ajaran agama islam yang sedikit2 dianggap bid’ah oleh ekstrimist di Indonesia. Awalnya gara-gara saya cerita, waktu sholat maghrib berjamaah di masjid, si Aqila tiba-tiba pindah posisi ke depan orang yang lagi sholat. Saat itu saya berdebat dalam diri, gendong gak ya, pindahin gak ya, tapi uda rakaat ke-2, batal dong (sholatnya jadi nggak konsen). Akhirnya waktu saya sujud, saya geser dia, tapi gak mempan hahaha kakak ipar saya bilang, harusnya gendong aja gapapa. Jangan sampe masalah agama kamu perdebatkan terlalu panjang dalam diri. Itu tuh indonesia banget, terlalu banyak aturan ini itu.
Padahal, cara beribadah itu ada bermacam-macam interpretasinya, asal masih berdasar dan tidak terlalu jauh melenceng harusnya tidak apa-apa. Dulu saya pernah diberi tahu guru SD saya kalau mengusap muka setelah selesai sholat, hukumnya adalah bid’ah ??? hahahah yes that’s right.
Nah lalu, si Mas Holly bilang, salah satu sebabnya adalah karena kita penganut islam yang masih “baru”. Dimana-mana semua yang baru pasti akan terlihat sangat niat dan berusaha sebagaimana caranya untuk mengimplementasikan aturan-aturan yang baru dipelajari secara sempurna yang pada akhirnya end up lebay.
Sama hal-nya kaya syiah dan sunni yang rame banget diperbincangkan di indonesia. Rasanya selalu jadi masalah.. Padahal sebenarnya semua tujuannya sama kan? Menyembah dan menjadi hamba Allah yang khusnul khotimah. Kalau jalannya beda, terus kenapaaa? *sedikit emosi* Konon kabarnya, masih kata mas Holly, permasalahan sunni syiah mulai marak baru pada tahun 2005. Kenapa yaaa?
Karena konon lagi, pada saat itu, banyak sekali mahasiswa2 yang dikirim ke Arab dan sekitarnya untuk belajar ilmu agama. Dan sudah rahasia umum kalau Arab berkiblat pada sunni dan mengkafirkan syiah. Nah disitulah peperangan dimulai… Merasa benar, mereka pun berdakwah dan berkoar-koar menegakkan ‘kebenaran’.
Soal Syiah dan Sunni pada awalnya adalah masalah politik yang kemudian dikaitkan dengan agama *cerita lama*. Tapi secara teologis tidak ada perbedaannya. Beberapa imam besar yang berusaha netral malah dianggap melenceng dari ajaran agama. Aneh! Benci banget sama orang-orang yang terlalu ekstrim kaya gini. Sebenarnya, itu urusan mereka untuk menganut ajaran tertentu, tapi tidak perlulah mengkafirkan orang lain dan meletupkan kebencian yang berakhir perang. Memang Allah pernah ngajarin?
Bapak saya pernah bilang kalau dia selalu mengacu perkataan Imam Syafi’i ‘….saya yakin pendapat saya benar, tapi tidak menutup kemungkinan pendapat orang lain juga benar….’ 
Pada akhirnya semua kembali ke hubungan personal antara diri kita denganNya dan tidak akan ada yang bisa menganggu gugat. Termasuk juga keputusan saya untuk berjilbab nantinya 🙂

xxx

Dreams Thoughts

Sweats… on workout

9th February 2014 - 5 min read

Saya sedang giat-giatnya mencapai target saya tahun ini, yaitu get my body in shape. Sebenernya sih specifically lebih pengen bikin perut/abs six pack, plus pengen bisa headstand. Inspirasinya, simply gara-gara saya follow facebook-nya andien – si penyanyi – yang fit banget bentuk badannya. Kita berdua sama-sama punya tipe badan petite, dan ngelihat dia bisa punya bentuk tubuh ideal as in tight and a bit muscular, bikin saya ngerasa termotivasi untuk punya ambisi yang sama. Toh juga banyak keuntungannya selain yang terlihat di permukaan, saya juga bisa kembali ke pola hidup sehat. Karena, percaya atau nggak, tubuh kita akan otomatis menyesuaikan dengan habit baru yang membuat oksigen masuk lebih banyak (dengan latihan pernafasan) dan sensasi organ yang ngerasa bekerja lebih baik, dengan cara lebih selektif memilih makanan demi mempertahankan kesehatan yang sudah on the way.
Meskipun begitu, anggapan orang-orang bahwa atletis atau minimal orang-orang yang doyan olahraga hanya memakan makanan sehat itu SALAH. Sebagai manusia, sekali-sekali nafsu untuk memakan makanan tasty seperti jajanan pinggir jalan, indomie, dan fatty Sumatra food, pasti bergejolak. Dannn, justru orang-orang ini memakannya, dengan perasaan yang lebih aman, kenapa? Karena ibarat kata, olahraga itu bagaikan tabungan yang kita tumpuk, kadang kita perlu memberi reward ke diri sendiri untuk kerja keras yang sudah dikerjakan, beli baju mungkin atau makan enak. Toh kalo beli baju, sisa uangnya masih ada…
Begitu juga dengan olahraga.. Pesennya sih, hidup harus seimbang dan apapaun yang dipilih harus se-seimbang mungkin. Kecuali, kalau memang tubuhnya sudah tidak mau menerima junkfood atau processed food. Karena by experience, saya menemukan orang-orang yang memang tubuhnya langsung merespon negatif makanan-makanan tidak bernutrisi yang masuk. Jangankan sampai dicerna, yang muntah pun ada.
Kurasa sih, ada hubungannya sama mindset. Pada akhirnya, semuanya bersinergi, pola pikir yang sehat akan menghasilkan pola hidup, termasuk makan dan olahraga, yang sehat dan rutin.
And that is my dream!

Ngomong-ngomong, soal abs, 2 hari yang lalu saya sedang berdiskusi dan bercerita tentang mimpi-mimpi saya dengan Wulan. Dia dari dulu banget selalu sounding kalau dia paling gabisa hidup dan one of the biggest annoyance di hidup dia adalah perut yang tidak rata. Padahal, cewe-cewe pasti bakal selalu iri sama dia karena badannya yang kurus bak atlet. Mau serata apalagi perutnya yah? hahah dia pengen punya six pack selalu dan menunjukkan goal dia untuk punya six pack. Dulunya saya hanya iya-iya, tapi desember kemarin saya memasukkan six pack sebagai salah satu resolusi tahun ini :p let’s work on it baby!!
Nah tapi again, good whys lead you to a good way. For me it’s because I love my body and I love my future husband hahaha Sampe akhirnya Wulan sharing alesannya kenapa pengen punya six pack in which really opening my eyes.
Wulan is a vegan. Pada dasarnya core adalah segalanya, yang letaknya di perut kita. Headstand dan handstand juga pake kekuatan perut. Perut juga jadi indicator baik untuk melihat bagaimana orang menyokong dirinya dengan makanan. Karena mustahil punya perut six pack kalo pola makan nggak benar dan sehat.
Anyway, filosofi itu bener banget. Ya kan?
Saya ngerasain banget dari setahun lalu saat saya udah mulai yoga-yoga-an dan olahraga. Begitu makan yang nggak sehat dikit atau ngga olahraga, badan rasanya nggak enak. Tapi biasalah kebiasaan manusia yang suka bikin excuse untuk hal-hal yang butuh effort, kadang kalo saya lagi males, yah udah, perasaan nggak enaknya ngga usah dirasa. Mungkin memang kurang rutin, jadi mudah sekali rasanya untuk menyimpang sedikit..

Sekarang ini saya pengennn banget kembali ke komitmen awal, hidup sehat. Setelah saya olahraga dan start untuk bermindset sedikit berbeda, secara otomatis, saya jadi males makan nasi. Wow !!  Tetep makan sih, tapi porsinya sedikitt. Kayanya ini salah satu efek dari kemarin rajin ngeganti puasa Ramadhan deh.. Janji Tuhan emang nggak pernah salah. Efek positifnya merujuk ke pola makan saya yang sekarang lebih grateful dan mindful. Makanpun secukupnya, walaupun ‘secukupnya’ berarti berbeda pada tiap orang.

Huh hah huh hah! Semangat workout deh!
Workout di rumah is more than fine, cukup pake yoga mat, my pink dummbles, and youtube. In the morning sebelum makan is the perfect timing to workout! Abis itu smoothies.. best way to start the day 🙂
Keringetan jadi hal yang asyik hari-hari ini, terutama karena cuaca yang hampir tidak memungkinkan kita untuk berkeringat. Rasanya ekskresi dalam level hampir smpurna saat ngos-ngosan dan keluar sedikit keringat. Capek tapi nikmat!!!

milestone keringetan today: I’m halfway headstand!! yay!!!! nothing beats the feeling. I’ll get there, honeyyyy

xxx

Quotes Thoughts

Catatan 4 Februari

4th February 2014 - 4 min read
teruntuk Wulan Mantik, the soul sister of mine, who always has faith, hope, dream, will



Ketika mata ini menyatu, serupa awan bertautan
Ketika hati ini bertemu, serupa rasa yang mengakar
Mata tidak bertutur nyata, tapi hati melainkan
Serupa jantung yang berdetak
Setiap debar yang jika kau dengar adalah makna
Makna yang indah dan jujur pada satu ritme kehidupan

Ketika mata ini terkelabukan oleh sekasat lihat sesaat
Ketertarikan adalah bias, bias yang seringkali tak bermakna

Perempuan itu memandang sigap perempuan lain yang berbicara, tanpa makna
Ketertarikan tersirat, apakah itu sesaat? apakah itu bias?
Perempuan lain itu menarik.. lipstiknya pun, pula pakaian, tapi acuh
Perempuan ini menyisih, akal sehatnya bekerja menutup pintu hati
Kala itu, hati hanya bertutur, bermakna tapi berjeda karena mata

………………..

Perempuan lain itu berputar pada poros hidup
Melepas getir, membuang debu amarah, yang tersisa hanyalah material alami tubuh
Material itu bernama jiwa, berkasta lebih tinggi dari hati dan mata
Ia ada di titik paling tinggi pada level perasaan sesosok manusia
Debu hitam itu telah enyah darinya
Semoga untuk selamanya

………………..

Perempuan itu kembali memandang perempuan lain
Dengan mata, hati, ….. dan jiwa, bermakna
Perempuan lain itu menarik.. matanya pun, pula parasnya
Perempuan itu mendekat, jiwanya bekerja
Kala itu, jiwa bertutur makna, tidak lagi ada jarak
Perempuan lain itu menyirat senyum pada indera lihatnya
Mereka pun mendekat bagaikan magnet dan besi
Sesaat hening mereka berjalan dan bertautan
Yang ada hanyalah jiwa yang mengakar, berbicara penuh makna dengan bahasanya
Mereka menjadi satu, hanya mereka yang mengerti
Satu dalam ruang positif dua orang hawa

……………….

Mereka hanya perempuan, tapi sangat indah dan menyiratkan maknanya
Jiwa mereka satu, tidak lebih
Tapi satu akan menjadi raksasa jika segala ruang dipenuhi hasrat dan mimpi tulus
Keempat tangan itu bergandengan menyongsong mimpi
Mimpi yang menjadi janji

Karena pada sati sesi hidup mendatang, keduanya akan tersenyum bersama
Menjadi saksi dari ekualitas sebuah mimpi, dedikasi, kepercayaan, dan takdir

Akankah itu terjadi? Jawabannya PASTI..
Perempuan lain itu aku
Aku percaya kau mampu
Aku melihat potensi dan makna itu dari jiwaku, bukan dari mata, bahkan hati
Potensimu menggapai semua mimpi-mimpi itu
Aku berjalan seiring, tapi mengarah ke jalan berbeda
Tapi aku yakin, kita akan ada di pemberhentian yang tak beda, kebahagiaan yang abadi

Selamat ulang tahun, perempuan.. Perempuan hebat yang mampu menaklukan segala apa yang ia ingin, disekitarnya. Perempuan yang melihat dengan tidak hanya mata hati, tapi jiwa yang tulus.

p.s Thank you for discovering me and being my number 1 supporter throughout my journey. Your value will remain. And your value will be forever yours, hold that believe and never forget to work hard and hope. Happy bday 28th, soul sister! I love you more than words can ever explain.

Dreams Quotes Thoughts

Deeper Conversation

29th January 2014 - 7 min read

My best time on earth is when I am in silence, in solitude, with my very self.
That has become my routine started from a couple of years ago since I started my journey as a (beginner-level) yogi, a meditator (my own terms of people who like to meditate :p), which concludes me as a better-being. I used to have a temper, I used to have a pleasure in torturing my mental (no, not like a psycho) by stressing simple things out.
Since then, I have always been searching for a small times out of my schedule of the day to find back my self to the core.. Like right at this second where my mom is next to me deeply asleep. During the day, it is almost impossible to have a little time with myself due to the high needs of my sister (who just gave birth to her 2nd child) and my mom (who always alwaysss alwayyss busy in the kitchen with her cooks) for my help. For that matter, I choose to have my quality time in the middle of the night when everybody in the house are already gone to bed.

Silence (and music) altogether are my best mood healer.. I personally think, it is a very good way to train myself from getting out of the vicious circle of high level of stress and lack of self-esteem. Why self-esteem, because all thoughts that I (or we) have in mind will be transformed into behavior, behavior becomes habit, habit will be perceived by the beholders, and sometimes (if we don’t love ourselves enough to be able to control the emotion) will tend to create an assumption or definition of ourselves that we are going to take into account, before you know it, it will lead to a different form of stress.

I am proudly say that I am one of those introverts people in this planet. I may not be in the severe condition as some of them are. From my contemplation, I learn that I am the kind of person who isn’t very good at translating what comes in my brain into words, which I am very much grateful that I acknowledge it pretty well as I have a reason to try hard to overcome the weakness. I have a believe that word is very powerful tool to communicate messages and to move people into openness. And for that, I (used to) feel far from content.
I am a perfectionist, which sometimes means that I would put myself in a tough position and blame myself for something that I shouldn’t take. It is the exact reason why sometimes I could be feeling very in-confidence for what I have, why I (used to) always feel far from content. …………………

And you know what, the hardest part (for me) is not a peer-pressure, but self-pressure. The must list I push myself to do… And to accept the weaknesses I have.
By being contemplative, I discover that being perfect (or look perfect) all the time is very much unhealthy. It prevents me to be in the high level of self-consciousness. I’d never understand how it was to have flaws and when someday people discover about the flaws, I’d die form disappointment.

With those things I have… I know where to start improving myself.
From meditation in/not in my prayers, I am no longer a slave of my brain. The negative things used to fill up my mind has already  been transformed into the positivity I’d like myself to have. And for sure it does some synergy to the outer of each.. Someone says ‘it’s not the load that break you down, it is the way you carry it’.
I have all the right in the world to choose the way of living, and I choose to be stress-free as stress is only a state of mind.

………………………

Until I finally find the way to understand and get rid of everything worldy and temporal. By being silent enough to listen to what I am thinking, what I want to convey, and what should not. (And also to hear other people).. I slowly get to know what I want genuinely, and what I want impulsively. I have become an expert in priority-organizing.
I am better because I listen..

………………………

As what the youngsters like to say nowadays ‘YOLO’.
Each individual has their way to enjoy their life, because it is indeed ‘YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE’. And for me, that particular terminology is a constant reminder to make myself happy, to be confident, and to live my life to the fullest (of course in my own definition).

……………………….
00.15 am

‘Writing and planning your dreams equal halfway in reaching those’ – me
And the contemplation tonight results in a 25bucketlist contains things I SHOULD do rather before 25 years old, than before die.

BIGGEST DREAM: To be able to assist people in reaching their happiness.. bermanfaat bagi sesama. Mudah-mudahan…. 

Else..
– Acquire diving diploma
– Go to the Middle East (pilgrimage/umroh) and/or Africa
– Riding horse
– Six pack abs!!
– Conquer headstand skill!
– Move to other countries or move back to Indonesia to reunite 🙂 (it should not be after 25, but before 25, however it can’t be before 24 hihi)
– Have a great great great review on the role I currently have the responsibility in
– Participate in Indonesia Mengajar or any other teaching organization
– Own a kindle
– Have a book racks to accommodate all my books that will keep on coming
– Publish my blog? hahahah mmmm
– Invest in meters of area, apartment, or house for future
– Have certain amount of rupiahs in my Indonesian bank account. For social and property investment… Insya Allah
– Go to one/two countries in Asia (maybe Nepal and India?)
– Conquer the ability to play ukulele and bring it to wherever place of my travel destination

will keep adding some more on the list
……………………….