Today’s dialogue

23rd March 2014 - 6 min read

It is a sunny day here in The Hague, at least that is what I can see from where I am sitting right now. Mom said it is actually cold outside, but who am I kidding we’re all originally coming from tropical real hot country. We will always be feeling cold.

I have been stressing out lately about my job responsibility at the office.. as per always hehe Sometimes, I  get extremely jealous with those who were born very lucky to not to even get bothered by whatever condition they are in. Some simply have a kind of character, others are just being ignorant, some are lucky enough to have a very easy life (if that’s existing, but I bet for some people it is), and few of them are earning their tranquility. I want to be the last one… But the real question is how?
What am I searching in this life? The ultimate equanimity.. That is my definition of where I can find peace and happiness. And it could be retrieved by being a philanthropist. Sure enough, I have not been through that point at the moment. I just graduated last year, recently got a job, still struggling in one… How can I get that serenity in life when my dream has not yet been achieved?
My long contemplation result is it is not the matter of life achievement, it is not the matter of our dream fulfillment, it is the matter of us having felt content and grateful on whatever we have. I recently just read the worth reading Mitch Alboom’s book, Tuesdays with Morrie. A lot of things I learnt from the coming death… Of someone whom organ function slowly vanishes but the soul stays. It is the soul that sing along during our journey in the place where we are meant to be lost. This book clearly depicts how each people in this world have 2 attributes that make them human, it is the body and the soul. If there is a Jake, there will be 2 Jakes, Jake physically and Jake soul. Soul is a medium that is genuine, that is where the core of each being is located, where it forces you to not lie in life, and where pure love is actually at. When Jake is gone, burried below the ground, soul will stay.. and will slide to what is around another medium who is ready to have such souls, the chosen one. A theory of reincarnation they call… What the story is trying to tell is how important the soul is that makes it counted as literally one being, without it, it’s just a walking cold corpse. I dont believe in reincarnation, but I believe that soul is a tool (look how rhyme it is).. A tool from where you can have your life secured. Just like a nail, it is rather invisible, but the existence is highly crucial for the development of furniture, a tool that gives a furniture life and value…
It is almost impossible to have a clean clean clean soul… we get angry, we get things out of our control, we are disappointed, “But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your head even, you experience them fully and completely. You know what pain is.. You know what love is.. You know what grief is. And only then can you joyfully say ‘I am strong and grateful to be at this point of life’.”
I just can’t live myself as if I am in the dream where I am about to achieve, because it is not created over night.. It is a long long long long process involving many form of emotions that help to develop a kind of heart and soul I want to be. As when I get there someday, I am ready to bear the no-kidding responsibilities, adult life, being a mom of hundred children, a wife.

‘It is very simple. As you grow, you learn more. If you stayed at twenty two, you’d always be as ignorant as you were twenty two. Aging is not just decay. It is growth. It’s more than the negative that you are going to die, it is also the positive that you understand you’re going to die and that you live a better life because of it’ – another Mitch’s moment.. 

I want to enjoy the present moment, I will not hold back the feeling I have in my heart as it is a process for maturity, a process to understand better the value of a thing, a value of emotion, a process to be grateful at one point of my life. I want to enjoy…… to enjoy without any attachment to any body, any goods.
Detach myself for whatever around me, and let loose………..
Let my body and my soul dance freely, enjoy the move of upbeat updown music. At the end, all the things I may encounter in my life will just seem easy. But it is not easy to make it easy, it is easy enough to laugh instead. Laugh it through.. Because I am enough and nobody can change the way I think I am.

written in a room where surrealism comes, a tile above my head, a bed like in a princess castle, my niece little play room..

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