I recently read a book called the Happiness Project and realizing that getting married is not only about wedding preparation and its glitz&glam, it inspired me to write what I called ‘Marriage Rules’. I think it is important to have a solid base in marriage. Having a perfect wedding is one thing, but having a perfect marriage is a whole another thing. It needs two to tango and sure it needs a ‘goodwill’ to always work it out together. Newlywed will always all about sparks of discovering new things and excitement of creating habits, but as the time goes by, many people say that couple tends to forget things they feel and they do when the marriage starts, for instance saying I love you and being affectionate. The reason why is because it is not easy to get a divorce once you marry someone, hence taking your spouse for granted. That is not acceptable and I (and also Damar) condemn that excuse.
Taking things for granted is the start of unhealthy relationship, because we are urged to stop trying. That is just action and reaction pattern. I think we all need to have a ground rule that is nailed in the back of our mind to always be the best for our spouse and make their happiness as ours.
One point Gretchen made in her book that I agree very much is about setting an example of doing things for the sake of ourselves/personal satisfaction and avoid nagging (which is the nature of woman hahah). Setting an example will automatically set a tone at home, somebody just gotta do what the gotta do, and that is to start a good cycle. The example given will be followed by our partner without he/she realizes it, when she/he does not appreciate what we do, do not get upset because we do thing for ourselves and not for rewards from our spouse. Whilst, nagging and perform bad behaviors to our spouse will lead to even worse behaviors because that is just how human overcome their guilty feeling, to behave worse. Not long after that, we should welcome to the start of a vicious circle which nobody wants. Whenever we want to storm, swallow it and tell them later. We will thank ourselves. So, based on those foundations, I wrote the below marriage rules (which is still in working progress, to be continued… ;))
To manage expectations, we often talked about what our plans are after married including having kids, which country to move next, how to prioritize both of our family and the portion of family’s intervention. We agreed on to something, if things change and priority is shifted, we both would not mind because we know the best planner of everything is Him as we always ask in our prayer to be guided to the path He gives ridho in. “He He will not be lost who keeps on asking the way” aamiinn
And for a little intermezzo, I went to V&D yesterday (a big department store in Holland) for its clearance sales as they filed for bankruptcy. I got myself a cute ring holder that I already had in mind ever since I got a ring for Damar that I practically wear everyday.