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Tommy Christmas Party / Farewell

19th December 2015 - 4 min read

There is always an end after the beginning.

I finally closed my chapter in Tommy and ready to move on to a new adventure. There has been ups and downs during my time in Tommy until now they have been part of my life and family. But of course all the memories will remain. A fond memory……

My Tommy chapter was closed in the same time as the Christmas party which every year has always been held in the most fun way possible. The theme this year is Spain party. Amsterdam RAI hall was magically transformed to a bull arena. The flamenco dancers were even be the part of the entertainment.

I had a little bit mixed feeling because it was my last day. I did not have any expectation about farewell, gifts or any such thing. But what I received was out of expectations. My manager, was secretly observing me and being super thoughtful. He knows me very well. He initiated the gift of a trip voucher, with contribution of others of course. What could have been better than that! But the gift was small compared to all the memories I have collected. My mind flew back to Feb 2014, my first day. I had never known what to expect, and again what I received was out of expectations. Not only had I had experiences, but I found a family.

My manager has cold and difficult personality, he literally hates everyone. Therefore, by the fact that he thought about arranging a gift for me, was captivating me. Not only that, he also delivered a very sweet speech. Not cheesy sweet, but sweet in his own way. He said that once there were only darkness, then there came some lights (read: me). He was sorry that they tried anything to keep me but nothing worked.  But he said he’s proud of me that I followed my heart. I left because of principle, and principle leads to a character. The last ones mean a lot to me….

I thanked God that I am blessed with these experiences and these people.

The following are pictures that sum up the night (to remember)

IMG_3398 IMG_3303IMG_3397IMG_3374IMG_3312IMG_3362 IMG_3406[1] IMG_3405[1] IMG_3358 IMG_3404[1] IMG_3346 IMG_3340


Ready for a new year and a new challenge.

Toedlooo Tommy Family!!!!!


Life Milestone Thoughts

Meet him…..

6th December 2015 - 4 min read

“We are a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love” Robert Fulghum

Tonight, I look at my North Sea Jazz picture in which, I remember, was the first time we were ever together in a frame. Not only that, but also the first time I had ever talked to him continuously for an hour train ride prior to the concert. I was about to travel to Rotterdam by myself, until he asked ‘why not travel together?’. I was checkmated.

There we were on the train sitting face to face enthusiastically talking about life, somehow. I enjoyed every second with him very much, felt brightened and somehow felt really safe. As we went along, I realize we were never that close but the gestures somehow had been there. Little did I know, he had the eyes on me the entire time ever since the first sight.

My memory flew back to the years of 2012 in an old little house in Amsterdam where I stayed for a couple of months during my internship, I met this guy who happened to be my housemate’s younger brother. I did not count it as something memorable at all until the past few months when I found out that he remembered every little details of our first meeting, about what the conversation was, what clothes I was wearing, what kind of questions I asked him, etc. Who knows, that very night, he promised to himself to get to know me.

He was fulfilling his promise. Before the whole North Sea Jazz thing, he came to me again after 3 years, asking if I was up to see an orchestra Brahm A German Requiem, To Words of the Holy Scriptures, the longest Brahm play. I said yes to it in which I never regret I did. It was right to the target, as if everything was planned. I would have said no if he asked me to go watch movies or had dinner or anything aside jazz/orchestra concert. I always wanted to go to a live classic concert, yet I had never felt right to visit the music building by myself nor had proper company to go with. I think the universe was preparing someone to accompany me and also the other way around. Someone whom I would feel comfortable to share my interest with.

Who knows it was the start of us getting to know each other?

On the train, I secretly observed and took some fix conclusions: He is a doer, not a talker; both a dreamer and a realist; he is a thinker, not a blind believer. A lot of things about him I can so much relate to.


To be continued

Meet him part 2

Meet him part 3


Picture is courtsey of Lurik Photography

Dreams Milestone

Weekend of challenges

11th November 2015 - 5 min read

My weekend started with a challenge to respond to a good offer from my current company in an attempt to keep me. It happened on Thursday, something that I did not see coming. Thus practically, ever since that meeting, my mind was bothered to take everything into consideration. A big decision. Probably one of the biggest in my life. It’s challenging me in the extent of what my initial purpose was and what I was looking for.
It’s highly tempting considering I had questioned and assumed about where to go in this position. Until I was at the point when I know I have to turn myself to the direction that I always want to be in. My questions were answered lately, I would have gotten a promotion If I would stay. No matter how I was so sure about moving to TOMS, certainly as a human being, I was a little jolted. A battle within.I asked my managers to give me sometimes to think and take everything into consideration. I do not want to regret anything in my life, I want to make my own choice consciously and with no time constrain as a pressure. I promised them to return on Monday with a fix answer.I was super flattered and happy because the offer shows how they appreciate my work performance and what I have done for the team and the company. I can’t stop appreciating it!

It was uneasy. I made pros and cons, I talked to a couple of people whom I trust, my family, Damar, and my best friends. I am really grateful that I have such loving and supportive surroundings. They help me clearing out my thinking process. They know me well enough to give wise advise.
It’s a total battle between heart and brain. My brain thinks about the title I’d have and how much money I would earn. In theory, this battle should be easy, but it is not. I still needed the time to understand what I really wanted. In the decision making, I was learning not to take  money as the first priority, if possible even not taking it at all. That is what I did.  If I had stayed, I would have faced the same issue again, same people, same environment again. I would have burned the bridges to TOMS forever, I would have wasted my 1 year to wonder how it was to work for TOMS which at the end would never happen. I signed the contract and that’s the accountability I needed to take. A commitment. I needed to go back to the initial objective of me dreaming to work for TOMS in the first place. It’s because their business model and their visions. I am excited working for TOMS more than staying. A colleague of mine gave a good advise that I will remember ‘You have to think for how you want to see myself in 3 or 5 years  and not only for tomorrow or a month from now’.

I used the whole weekend to think about it and justify myself. In the meantime, I unlocked my running challenge. I fulfilled my promise of this month, run for 10 K at least. I was proud of myself considering running is not my preference sport. But if everybody else can do it, I can also do it. And I proved that theory. I signed the whole family up! It was super nice to know the people you love are around you and having the same goal as you. Getting to the finish line of 10K together.

So I took the decision. I had to turn my current company down and I continue with TOMS. Once again, I fulfilled my resolution of the year and commitment that I made.

Dreams don’t work unless you make it happen!!

Dreams Milestone Self growth

Turning a dream into plan

1st November 2015 - 9 min read

It’s finally official. 
Yesterday I filed my letter of resignation to my current work (TH). I have been quite and rather keep it secrets about the whole situations.

All started with thinking, making dreams and questioning in which direction I want to go, turning a dream into a plan, a plan to reality.

12 months ago, I know I will work for the company not too long, then continue another year elsewhere for the sake of experience.

6-8 months ago, I know I want to do something that matters, something more valuable and meaningful for me, but I don’t know what, where, when and how

5-6 months ago, I have got more ideas about what to do in life. I want to create a business that is sustainable in terms of helping other people. Not only meaningful for me, but also rewarding because it’s meaningful for other people who receive the helps they need too. Certainly, came after that, I set a goal to work somewhere else that has the same vision and mission as how I determine what is importance in a corporate. Or rather, not a corporation, but also an organization. So that I can learn about passions and to be part of the growth or developing processes until they get to a peak point. I don’t how, where and what. But I know when.

4 months ago, I talked to a colleague of mine about my plan and she immediately remembered about one company that has the exact same ideas with what I have. The company is called TOMS. They sell shoes (and a lot of other things as well), and their business model is ONE FOR ONE. You purchase one, and someone in the other side will be given the shoes to go to school. That’s perfect for, same goal, and has the same background as me (in fashion area, more or less, although that’s obviously not what they aim for). Thereafter, I looked it up on the internet and I told myself that day ‘I HAVE TO WORK FOR THIS COMPANY’. It’s definitely a process, because then I didn’t only know the when but I also found what and where. But still, I don’t know how…..

3 months ago, I live my life just like as if I will work for the company in the ‘when’ that I have chosen. end of this year or beginning of next year. I bought the shoes (well technically, I gave a hint to my best friends to give me these pair as my bday gift) 😛 I learnt about the company on youtube, I read a lot of articles about what have they done, I watched the interview of the founder, Blake Mycooskie, really bright inspirational man by the way, I bought the book also ‘Something that matter’ that was written by Blake himself to encourage people doing something similar like TOMS, I placed TOMS sticker on the mirror in my bedroom. I believe in the law of attraction.
I checked on their vacancy, there was only 1 job available. Something that qualifies the candidates to work 3-5 years in the field. Not me at all. So I refused to apply. After implementing the law of attraction in my life, I began thinking ‘it’s no harmful to try applying’. So I did.
For  a month…. Heard nothing.  And I surrender….
Until one day, my phone was ringing during the quite working hours. I decided not to pick up, but then I received voicemail not so long after. Guess what? TOMS invited me for an interview !!!! That really made my day. Never did I thought I would make it to that point.
I went for the interview… then I went for a holiday right after words, so that again, I was not setting any expectations to get the job. Again, I surrender….

1,5 months ago, I received another voicemail from them inviting me for the 2nd interview. Never did I thought, I would be called for the first interview, let alone the second. So I went there, feeling happy to have this experience. My heart whispered to get the job, but I tried to surrender. Just being myself and being honest. The job is not important, anything can be learnt. But the organization you work and stand for are important, because that defines what value you have. This was when I think I knew how.. to be honest and be myself during the interview, showing my genuine interest to contribute to the company.

And yes, that’s it. I got the job 🙂 Too many ‘coincidence’ happened during the process. For instance, the supply chain director happened to work at Mexx and Tommy Hilfiger in the past, same path as me. They have a yoga class on Wednesday, which I love. They have a shoe drop program which will allow to have a trip in the 3rd world country, which I really want. Things just fall to the right places and I am very grateful about it. Coincidence and lucks only occur to the chosen people, people who strive, have a strong belief on their self and work hard

Small handwriting postcard can touch a heart. Really personal 🙂

Resignation has not been easy especially I am at the point where I very much comfortable with what I am doing as well as the team. But I also find it dangerous, because I need to keep on challenging myself and I need to develop myself. And comfort at this age will not get me there…..

Jack Ma once said that it’s important to work in a big company and has a good manager, thereafter you shall work in a smaller company to learn and be part of the process in getting it bigger. Then, you’re ready to make your own company because you see things from different dimensions. And I am on my way there… Proudly and graciously.

Salary and position at the end does not matter so much. TH tried to keep me and they actually had something planned for my future as well. As tempting as it sounds, I still prefer to move to TOMS even though it means that i will not be secure anymore by the fact that I have to start over again with contract whilst in TH I am already with indefinite. It’s quite challenging, but I feel good about myself 🙂 I can’t wait.

If everything is meant to be it will be, but not when you don’t make plan, don’t realize that setting goals is essentials, and certainly not when you do not walk your life conciously because then you’ll never be ready with any opportunity opens in front of you.

There is a difference between wishing for a thing and being ready to receive it. No one is ready for a thing until he believes he can acquire it. The state of mind must be belief, not mere hope or wish, openminded-ness is essential in creating a belief.’ 

Milestone Quotes Thoughts

Yoga journey – YOGAFEST, June 6th 2015

14th June 2015 - 5 min read


I have been doing yoga for more than 2 years now. It honestly still a long journey to get to a stage that I want to. There are many ups and downs, because I am not constantly practicing. The feeling always comes and goes, but I try to always surround myself with it. I still go to yoga class in my gym at least once a week. I have tried different things in sports, but what stays with me is Yoga. For me it’s an integration between mind, body, and soul. Full package of sports.

In the extent of getting things done, I am not a type of patience girl who takes the process slowly. I feel like I always want to jump to my goal in doing poses (applies to a lot more subjects). I have realized this since day one, that’s why day by day I focus on improving this weakness, to do all my activities more soulful and walk into all the processes consciously. And for yoga, the hardest part is to be careless of how good I am (compared to other people also), and once I pass that, things get easier.

I went to Yogafest in Amsterdam on June 6th, what an event!! I feel back on track, getting all the zens and positive vibes which encourage me to start working on my pose. Especially, I experienced this together with my good good positive and inspiring friends, Cansu and Aida. Nothing better than sharing this happiness with people that I care about. Feel motivated all along!!

Talking about yoga, a few weeks ago, I have a heard a sad story which is about Muslim Organization in Indonesia claiming Yoga as ‘Haram’. Although after reading more thoroughly, it’s considered  Haram only when there’s other intentions in it besides sport. I am moslem myself, but I despise anything that uses one religion as a reason, especially when it potentially breaks relationship between one religion and others even more. If I were a Hindu, it would break my heart because Yoga is pure and very good for our mind, body, and soul. Why sharing good deeds equals with pulling someone off from their religion and convert? For me, Innamal a’malu binniyat (actions are dependent upon the intentions). So I do not really take into account. I purely want to have more focus, know my body and self more, more confident, and be healthy. It actually freshen my mind after praying.

A good thought from MJ from Boys of Yoga that suddenly crossed my path “A lot of people think yoga is like a religion, but the truth is it’s as far away as you ca nget. Religion asks you to narrow your belief; Yoga asks you to open them up”. I really love those quotes.. That’s the whole reason why I do what I do.

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First time succeeded crow pose (Bakasana), then fell down in just a bout 1 sec after the picture taken, the it went for the second time below. Much better 🙂

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Asia Dreams Indonesia Life Milestone

Dimensi lain bernama Indonesia

25th January 2015 - 10 min read

23 Desember 2014

I will always remember this day. The day I met my love for the first time after 2 years being apart.
My holiday and everything occured before this meant nothing anymore compared to the excitement if seeing him.

22 Desember pukul 11.30 pagi tiba di Schiphol Amsterdam Airport dianter mbak Vicka, Dina dan Qila. Hari-hari sebelumnya entah kenapa, perasaan ragu dan cemas menyerang. Bukan, bukan karena soon ketemu Bendot (yang itu juga, tapi sudah berlalu heheh). Tapi karena takut pesawatnya kenapa-kenapa, takut nggak kembali ke darat lagi.. Lagi sering mikir aneh akhir-akhir itu tentang kematian. Masih belum siap…
Anyway sedih juga ninggalin mbak Vicka sama anak-anak kecil itu sendiri, but I have to, to see my beloved ones.

Setelah menempuh perjalanan panjang termasuk transit di Dubai, 18 jam in total, akhirnya sampai juga di Soekarno Hatta.. Lega! 
Begitu sampai bandara, udah nggak sempat deg-degan karena harus antre imigrasi dll. Setelah sukses ngelewatin meja imigrasi dan muka petugas yang sama sekali ngga ada ramah-ramahnya, saya baru mulai agak deg-degan tapi berusaha menutupi dengam menyibukkan diri, ambil trolley, ambil bagasi, tunggu bagasi, ke toilet, dll.
Terima i-message dari bendot, dia bilang sudah sampai, ditunggu di terminal kedatangan. Oh no! And then telling myself, bring it on! I am so ready to see you….. (Padahal keringet dingin!)

And there he is.. Came saying “hi”….. This is surreal……… Too unreal to digest.
He hugged me for a little bit. Not sure if it’s a dream or reality… After all, he’s a form of 3 dimensions hahahah It’s just very hard to believe that he’s just there next to me looking at me with his bare eyes (with glasses ding 😛). I watched him sliding away my trolley as he goes, it’s just so strange……. I forgot about love I’ve been feeling for 2 years. I was just busy swallowing reality that we were in no distance, for onc, finally.

We went on a plane together, side-by-side, for the first time. Then, it started to feel right.. He’s one patience person. Whilst I might be a little too mean for him, since I don’t really have patience. But believe me honey, I am trying 🙂

After flying for 60mins, we touched down Juanda where I met his father for the first time. Awkwardddddddd tapi berusaha menutupinya dengan kecerewatanku yang sedikit banyak memang mempesona itu haha sok akrab ceritanya.

Every single day I spent my time with him was well-spent, finally met each other’s family. I felt very content. I havent felt as much of a home as that time, really. All my anxiety and fear of dissapointment formed by assumptions in long distance relationship are gone.. Not instantly ofcourse, but after everything got digested better, I understand better, then I realize he’s the one I’ve been looking for.. He’s the one I thought who he was. When he started speaking his fun trivia, I just shutted, listened carefully and paid attention to his glowing face sparkling eyes when talking his things. Sometimes or many times, I was drown in my own thoughts while looking at his happy face. There! There is my happiness.. My home, it felt just right… It just is. No reasons, unexplainable.
Cheesy, I know !

Ok go to my journey in Indonesia, day went by, and time for Derawan Island – Borneo. I have been dreaming to be in a paradise like this. This is the holiday I have been thinking about, relaxing, engaging with locals, eating food that was naturally caught by the indigenous, plus all in all, I got to snorkel to explore underwater life. I was lucky enough to find Manta Ray on the way, it’s humongous, it tickled me a little bit, I mean in a fear way. But I was proud of myself that I did it! It was the first time for me, thus there are a little feeling of the biggest fear in the planet. Fear of the unknown. I swam along with a very beautiful no-harm-sting jellyfish, the color is pink, it’s a huge experience. This only exist in 2-3 places in the world, as far as I know is in Palau, Thailand and Kakaban, Indonesia. I consider myself pretty lucky.


Getting into this island, I felt timeless, I lost time. Even the New Year was approaching, the feeling was different than in a big city where I come from. No crowds, no traffic jam, only bunch of modest people who were trying to enjoy the year turning by holding karaoke event and releasing the lanterns. BEAUTIFUL.
But then I went back to my room.. nothing special. What was so special is that I noticed that I had scratched down more things from my resolutions list of 2014 all at once which I am forever grateful.
They are:
– Travelling to Indonesia
– Snorkel
– Went to Kalimantan (it was Sulawesi on my initial resolutions, but hey why does it matter?)
– New Year’s eve with beloved
– Make a single cover with Bendot

– Visiting my love in Bandung 
– Not coming back to Indonesia for good! They extended my contract
– Get to meet each other parents
– Take my parents on a short holiday

Ah nothing I can be more grateful for really..
“Grateful forms happiness from within – MS”


Continue to the Derawan story…..
So everything was smooth until our time to return from Derawan to Tarakan (the bigger island where the airport is). We went on the speed boat when the sun was up, seemed to be a good day although it was raining in the morning. I was a little bit worried, because the cloud looked gloomy on the other side. But who am I to judge.Of course the boat captain is more experienced and has a capacity to judge.
So we got off and started our sea journey by little speed boat.
I had a bad feeling since the beginning, and it proved by the shut down of the engine because one of the essential part did not work properly. Ok at that time I just hoped that the weather would stay all nice the whole time…….. Anyway the boat could still continue with imperfect part of the engine. So we went on..
Couple of minutes later, all of the sudden, the grey cloud came to our way, rain came down, wave started going wild and our boat could be flipped by any time especially if the boat engine shutted again in the middle.
Eye visibility is only in 10 meters radius and there was no one on the ocean, not that could see of. It’s nerve wrecking for everybody on this little boat..
At that very moment, I thought that my life could be taken at any time.. in 5 mins, 10 mins, so on. I felt very small looking at the sea. Everywhere is overlay of moving water.
This feeling should have been always in human’s heart, we are nothing…. We are all only visitors in the planet called earth..
We also ran out of gas because the ride was bumpy and rough. The usual speed boat ride time is 2 hours, but it took 6 hours in total. At the end we all (wetly) and gratefully survived.
But this near to death experience has opened my eyes wider to be savvy optimizing times I have left in this world, because I realize I will never know when I die.
After that, I just cant stop to have the mindset of ‘Carpe diem’ which could be interpreted in any ways, but for me, I will use it for being happy all the time, grateful, and do what He obligates.  

You Only Live Once (YOLO), use it wisely – MS 🙂

To be continued……


Events Family Hidup di Belanda Milestone Netherlands

Quality weekend with Mom Dad

30th March 2014 - 7 min read
Minggu, 22.57 malam
Seperti biasa, weekend rasanya cepat sekali berlalu.. Sebodohnya ini terdengar, tapi saya pengen begadang sampai besok pagi demi memiliki quality time dengan saya sendiri dan demi punya waktu lebih panjang untuk berwiken. Nggak mau hari seninn.. hikshiks but hey reality strikes and will never experience what I have experienced this week if there is no Monday. *Cheering myself up
Anyway, it has been a good productive week for me and I should be really grateful for that. Hari Selasa, saya dan sahabat-sahabat dekat datang ke konser YUNA. Gosh, it was totally magical as I have been admiring her ever since I discovered her existence in this planet, back on 2010 if I am not mistaken. She has such a pure incredible voice, I guess she was born with such talent. She sings genuinely and what is more important for me is that she speaks her soul out. I consider one to be very lucky to be able to sing out her feeling beautifully.
It is such a great night that I will always remember. Especially, I got the chance to have a little conversation after concert with the star whom I fell in love deeper to due to her humbleness. I am very luckyy!!! Oh, and I got to take a picture together with her.. 🙂 Alhamdulillah
Left to right: Nadya (whom by accident I bumped into), Prita (it was her bday that day), YUNA, me, Alda

ps I held my tears when I was with those people, but when we said goodbye, I cried my heart out like a baby calling my ‘bestfriend’ to tell him how bad I miss him. It is wonderful how such a star could give an influence.

And this weekend is the last weekend my mom and dad will stay. I do not have the time to be sad as I merely want to focus on how to make them enjoy their last days, at least I wanted to take them to places they have never been. Moreover, these last 2 days, the weather has been amazing, temperature is very warm. I am very much grateful for that as it really determines their enjoyment and excitement of them in wandering around hihihihihi
I took them to a petite city nearby the city where I live. It is called Leiden. It is one of the oldest cities in The Netherlands, it is located on the Old Rhine. Back at the 18th century the won the first place as ‘superlative, I forgot what it is’ and offered a huge amount of money, however they were more focused on educating their local people, that’s why they bargained to build the Leiden University instead of having the money, which has become as top 50 university worldwide and took part on creating the first map for colonializing Indonesia. What an ironic story.
It was 20 degrees that day! super amazing.. bought an ice cream for Aqila 🙂 we are all happy nevertheless, although not everything we got to see as we were there already late that the cruise we wanted to ride was already gone. On Sunday, I took them to Amsterdam visiting Rijksmuseum, the first National Historical museum in the Netherlands. It is fulled by paintings of amazing artists, mainly Dutch, Van Gogh, Rembrandt, etc. Surprising thing acquired from this visit is that now I know a lot of arts movement particularly in the Netherlands, was inspired by the Art Nouveau (new art) from France, which was influenced by Japanese, which mainly got an effect from INDONESIAN ART. We’re steps forward back then!
But hey even though nothing is perfect and not everything came as expected, the most essential thing is, we enjoyed and cherish the moment. What’s the meaning of a vacation if we’re rushed by the time, is the journey and the enjoyment that matters.. Every time passes is permanent, why not seize it instead 🙂 Carpe diem.
Dad and Aqila are using the binocular in the middle of a impeccable view between lake and mill


In front of a Dutch typical home, yet it was decorated more in an artsy and colorful way


Spring has sprung.. Such a beautiful color


Me standing with my javanese face among lots of Nias islanders’ faces during colonial period 🙁


My kind of painting, me with Aqila who wanted to stick with her Tante that day
With mommy on NS train towards Amsterdam. Will miss this ‘bawel’ lady 🙁
Us on top of the windmill De Valk, Leiden. Awesome place!
Again, me and Aqila (who keeps being a photobomb in any of the selfies I tried to take that day hehe), this one is inside an old windmill (de Valk) who was built in 1611. The stairs were terrifying, but we (a 4 year old and a pair of 60s people) gratefully made it hihi deg2an pisan euy

Currently enjoying days with loved ones… counting the days before their departure. 
Love them! I am happy that I could bring smiles upon their face although just a little 🙂
Hidup di Belanda Milestone

First week in a work life

16th February 2014 - 5 min read

It’s finally weekend!!!! Oh Gosh, nobody will understand how happy I am.
It has been a tough week so far and a real struggle at the office for my new job..
Hari pertama passed smoothly, tidak terlalu banyak yang saya pelajari tapi cukup produktif. Hari pertama dimana-mana selalu all about administrations, setting up system, new user id, emails, etc yang ternyata sama sekali belum ready saat saya hadir. Hehe maklum lah saya paham, orang-prang facilities dan manager saya padat sekali schedule tiap harinya.
Hari kedua, mulai diajarin steps by steps operation yang lumayan membuat saya surprise karena ternyata job des saya 100% system dan operations hahahah I can only laugh and cherish about this. Mau bagaimana? Untuk mendapat kerja di sini saja sudah sangat sangat bersyukur. Rasanya saya adalah orang paling bodoh di jagad raya.. Pengetahuan excel saya minim, apalagi SAP system, tapi saya semangat untuk belajar.. Yak baru hari ke dua.
Begitu masuk hari ketiga, air mata pun sukses membanjiri pipi saya (of course nggak di depan manajer saya haha). Saya merasa kesulitan untuk keep up sama sistem baru di kantor. Saya jadi panik dan tidak dapat menunjukkan performance maksimal saya di depan manajer 🙁 Mana dia mukanya expressless banget, jadi tidak pernah paham dengan apa yang dipikirkan sama dia. Tapi satu yang pasti, dia pasti menganggap saya bodoh.
Untuk orang-orang tipe perfeksionis seperti saya, hal-hal seperti ini adalah sebuah kesulitan karena level ingin selalu terlihat baik selalu tinggi dan menaikkan level stress pesat karena melakukan pressure ke diri sendiri. Ekspektasi yang terlalu tinggi memang tidak akan pernah manghasilkan hal yang baik…. dan tidak berbeda dengan ekspektasi ke diri sendiri. Dan perlu dicatat, ekspektasi dan optimisme adalah 2 hal yang tidak sama. Saya cenderung berekspektasi terlalu tinggi tapi tidak optimis dengan kemampuan saya.

Di hari Rabu itu pun saya menangis sendirian. Berusaha bercerita ke ‘sahabat’ dan soul sister saya, karena merekalah yang paling mengerti dan bisa membuat nyaman. Thank God saya dikelilingi dengan orang-orang yang sangat supportive termasuk mama yang nggak segan buat nawarin untuk memijat saya karena tahu muka saya yang manyun dan lelah banget. It made me better indeed. Karena saya tidak hanya menghadapi pressure di kantor, tapi pressure perjalanan haahaha saya harus beradaptasi karena jarak kantor dan rumah yang jauh. Tapi lagi-lagi, saya harus bersyukur instead of complaining……

Dan memang betul kata kawan saya, di saat kita merasa kita terjebak, sudah berusaha sekuat tenaga untuk melakukan yang terbaik, tapi masih merasa tidak membaik, sesungguhnya di kala itu lah kita sedang berkembang 🙂 Dengan cara seperti ini memang saya mau tidak mau harus belajar me-mantain dan control stress saya. Seperti kata Bliga (suami Wulan), stress itu perlu asal di manage, karena disitulah tahap kita sedang berkembang.
Saya tidak boleh terjebak di keterpurukan, justru seharusnya saya harus bangkit dan do the best. Berhenti fokus pada kekurangan, tapi fokus pada hal yang kita perbuat. Plus juga, saya terlalu cemas dengan apa yang manajer saya pikirkan. Padahal, kenapa juga saya harus peduli? Yang harusnya saya pedulikan adalah bagaimana saya memajukan kemampuan saya.

Makanya begitu weekend saya pengen sekali quality time dengan diri sendiri, instead of dengan teman-teman ramai. Saya tidak begitu suka keramaian dan basa basi hehe belum pas aja waktunya..
Rasanya begitu 5 hari full berkutat dengan komputer dan angka2, saya ingin sekali santai dan rileks di rumah dengan keluarga. Duduk dengan mint thee dan buku saya. Menulis blog. Sekedar line atau whtsapp dengan sahabat.. Dan juga berolahraga.

Sabtu kemarin, saya ke pasar dengan mama. Berjibaku dengan ramainya orang dengan sayuran, buah, dan ikan yang murah meriah. Saya baru sadar banyak sekali bunga tulip tersebar di toko-toko bunga sekitar. Saya pun beli satu buket untuk menghadiahi saya sendiri hihihi lagian sehari sebelumnya adalah hari valentine. Lumayan deh dapet bunga dari diri sendiri, ones said a good, independent and success lady will buy a flower for them selves hahaha

Cheers to a good weekend and another good week.
Welcoming Monday with smiles and huge urge!

p.s a good read from my soul sister, my constant reminder


Life Milestone Quotes Thoughts

The power of ‘pasrah’ (it’s a gift for you, mom and dad!)

26th January 2014 - 8 min read

One of my ways to make me feel better when I am down or to make me even happier when I am in ‘okay’ mode,besides chocolate & cake, is to write down 10 positive things (from the smallest thing, because there’s always a reason to smile) occur in each day. By far, it has always succeeded in putting a smile into my face as it brings positivity into my (-) mind..

Dan sekarang ini saya sedang menulis hal yang sama dari hari ke hari.. hal yang nggak bisa berhenti mengembangkan senyum di hati saya (di wajah sih selalu senyum, tapi di hati kan belum tentu :p) karenaaaa….. (Alhamdulillah!!!) akhirnya setelah pencarian yang tak henti-henti dan tak kunjung datang, saya mendapatkan berita gembiraaaaa bahwa saya mendapat pekerjaan di Belanda. Puji syukur, sujud syukur banget sama Sang pencipta. Susah rasanya untuk percaya kalau tawaran itu memang nyata. Saat saya ditelpon pun saya hanya bisa bengong. Jadi ceritanya Rabu siang tanggal 22 Januari, saya bangun dari tidur siang dan menemukan voicemail di HP saya, ternyata dari orang HR (human resource) PVH. Intinya dia bilang, please call me back.. Setelah komat-kamit dan mengucap bismillah supaya bahasa inggris saya lancar saat bicara (hahaha), karena sama sekali tidak tahu harus mengharap apa dari telepon itu (setelah beberapah hari lalu baru ditolak), saya hanya bertanya-tanya akan mengarah kemana gerangan akhir dari telepon itu.
Dia pun mengangkat dan berbasa basi sebentar dari seberang sana. Dia bilang ‘Congratulations, they’ve decided to offer you the job to be a merchandise coordinator for Tommy Hilfiger’. Yang seberang sini cuma diem beberapa detik lalu… ‘Sorry, can you maybe repeat it again? I am afraid I took it the wrong way.’ hahah dan dia pun ketawa…. Dan memang benar it goes without saying kalau maksudnya adalah penawaran kerja. Alhamdulillahhhhhhh… And it’s Tommy Hilfiger (TH)… believe it or not, since the beginning I jumped myself into fashion industry, I knew, I wanted to work for Tommy Hilfiger (somehow)… While I was working at Mexx as an intern, people often asked me “what’s next / what would you do after”. I said, I wanna be an intern at Tommy Hilfiger… But, the destiny brought me into a different place where I had no regret to be once part of the team (CK) which actually under the same umbrella as TH. I got to know the people, company culture and working environment, and I just fell in love. I think He secretly has planned all of these as a preparation for me to be someday working there. And He proves it right 🙂 I am very very much glad of what’s been written by Him 🙂
Beberapa hari lalu baru close deal.. Semoga smua lancar dan mereka happy dengan performance saya. Aamiin…

Sebenarnya saya mengira posisi itu sudah hilang dan saya tidak berharap untuk mendengar feedback dari mereka karena sudah lewat sebulan. Tapi things indeed come when you least expect it and when you surrender. Itu terbukti banget……. Alhamdulillah
And it really happened at the right time (just like my dream was), I wanted to get a job at least when my mom or both mom&dad are here.. Voila… It’s just granted like that. I really owe Him big time 😀

What I was feeling at that moment? Light… Rasanya saya berada di awang-awang, terutama setelah saya mendapat kabar tentang undangan interview dari beberapa perusahaan lain, yang di tengah-tengah terpaksa harus saya putus prosesnya. Rasanya usaha-usaha saya paid off.. Kembali ke perasaan light, memang benar ya kata-kata ‘we have to keep ourselves grounded’. Karena seriously, when good things keep coming to your life, it’s when you really need to be worried. Why? Itu cobaan paling serius untuk manusia, saat dia merasa comfort, senang, dan bangga.. Manusia jadi mudah untuk merasa sombong, lupa bersyukur dan lupa berbagi, jadinya ‘kedunyan’. Semoga saya dijauhkan dari sifat-sifat seperti itu. Aamiinn

Saya tidak bisa berhenti bersyukur padaNya…. Janji Dia memang tidak pernah Dia ingkari. Saya merasa ini adalah buah dari kerja keras dan do’a-do’a saya (yang tidak akan ada artinya jika tidak dibantu dengan doa orang tua). Memang jalan rejeki masing-masing sudah dituliskan, tapi bagaimana cara kita mencapainya dan sekeras apa usaha kita untuk menuju kesana 100% ada di tangan kita. Saya pun sadar betul akan hal itu…. Pada akhirnya usaha dan hasil akan berbanding lurus… Hanya waktunya saja yang dirahasiakan…
Memang mudah untuk berbicara, tapi tidak mudah jika seseorang harus dihadapkan pada kondisi harus menunggu…. menunggu apapun adalah hal yang paling menyebalkan, terutama menunggu nasib HAHAHA
Tapi dalam tahapan menunggu itu, banyak sekali hal yang (harusnya) bisa kita dapat.. Kurasa memang si Pencipta menyiapkan mental saya untuk bisa lebih bijaksana menghadapi sesuatu, menjadi penyabar, dan tidak pantang menyerah. Mungkin kemarin-kemarin ini saya dimudahkan jalannya untuk mendapat yang saya inginkan, tapi tidak dengan mendapatkan kerja.. Mungkin kata Tuhan, saya belum siap.
Saya sangat struggle pada prosesnya, terutama mengetahui satu per satu teman saya sudah mulai dihire oleh perusahaan-perusahaan ternama. Kapan giliran saya ya? The best mantra is, the best is yet to come and all is well. Dan yang terjadi pasti yang terbaik…

Jika Juni 2013 setelah lulus, saya langsung mendapat kerja, kemungkinan saya tidak akan sebegitu menghargai dan se-bersyukur ini. Terkadang, memang manusia harus diingatkan untuk kembali pada jalan yang benar.. Untuk meminta dan mendekat padaNya.. Itu juga yang saya lakukan, bukan hanya alasan agar mendapat kerja. Tapi hasil dari introspeksi diri saya (yang akhir-akhir ini sering saya lakukan) mengatakan, ada alasan mengapa Allah menuliskan jalan hidup saya seperti ini. Bapak saya berkali-kali mengingatkan ‘selalu berbaik sangka kepadaNya’, jadi instead of saya menyalahkan Allah dengan hasil reject-an yang berkali-kali saya terima dalam 6 bulan proses pencarian kerja, saya pun mencari kekurangan dari diri saya (yang membuat saya lebih mengenal diri saya lagi, dan menjadi orang yang lebih baik karena saya tidak berhenti belajar). Dan kekurangan itu ada banyak sekaliiiiiiiiiii….

In the bottom line, saya selalu berkata ‘mungkin memang bukan jodohnya dan belum rejekinya’. Yang terbaik lagi menunggu kedatangan kita di ujung jalan. Butuh banyak usaha dan keringat untuk saya sebagai traveller mencapai titik itu. Daripada saya ngebut tapi babak belur saat sampai tujuan, mending saya pelan-pelan tapi non stop dan bijaksana memilih jalan. Alhamdulillah memang itu yang terjadi…. Hingga akhirnya saya ikhlas dan mengikuti jalur yang membawa saya hingga ke garis ini atas tuntunanNya..

Tidak ada yang tidak mungkin kok… Kalau kita determined enough untuk memiliki cita-cita, berusaha keras untuk mewujudkannya, dan berpasrah padaNya, Insya Allah akan diberi jalan. Ikhitar dan Tawakkal kuncinya…

Tapi travelling saya di dunia belum selesai karena masih banyak lagi yang ingin dan harus saya capai.. masih panjang bentang jalan yang harus dilalui dan pemberhentian yang harus didatangi. Saya nggak sabarrrrr untuk take the ride and feel the bumpy road… 😀 untuk melihat kejutan-kejutan apa yang ada disana…

For me, it’s a milestone… A milestone that gets me one step closer to my dream.. my wild dreams.

ps. It’s for you, mom and dad! I hope I’ll bring happiness in your life by being a child you wanted me to be and a child who can bring smiles to other people. Someday, somehow
Feeling good to already scratch one of this year’s resolutions 🙂 Alhamdulillah..

Milestone Thoughts

The comeback of a traveler

13th January 2014 - 4 min read

Sudah 2 tahun lamanya saya tidak pernah melongok ke blog page saya yang ini (yang lainnya sudah hilang terhempas pijitan tombol delete haha). Malu rasanya melihat ke belakang pengalaman-pengalaman dan karakter labil yang sedang berkembang dengan sempurna. Akan tetapi, perasaan menyesal menghinggapi diri setelah saya mengarahkan dan menekan mouse ke pilihan ‘delete blog’. Kemana lagi saya harus melihat kebodohan dan kegaulan saya dalam bentu tulisan saat muda (sok tua)?? Untung blog yang ini belum saya hapus juga. Dan saya pun membaca-baca ulang tulisan ‘bodoh’ saya di masa lalu…….

Memang benar-benar bodoh.Tulisan saya sungguh sangat superfisial dan tak bermakna. Sepertinya saya sempat lupa untuk melihat dunia dan diri saya dari sudut pandang berbeda.

Kenapa akhirnya saya ingin aktif menulis kembali? 2 tahun berlalu, dan hari ini saya dengan bangga mengutarakan pencapaian saya dalam kurun waktu itu hihihi (boleh lah ya sombong sekali-sekali?). Saya telah menjadi manusia yang LEBIH baik (bukan paling baik, karena ingin terus berkembang aamiin) dan bisa ber-prioritas. Prioritas hidup saya yang dulu masih abu-abu, perlahan mulai terlihat bentuknya. Tidak lagi ingin berkeluarga setelah lulus kuliah, walaupun akhirnya saya menemukan ‘sahabat’ yang sedikit banyak membantu mengembalikan orientasi saya yang sempat hilang?. Saya berhasil menciptakan arti kata bahagia dalam perspektif saya. Mimpi-pun berkembang pesat, tak hanya di langit-langit rumah tapi menuju ke awan, langit dan menembus cakrawala (hiperbola mode on). Saat ini, begitu panjang rentetan mimpi-mimpi saya jika dijabarkan satu per satu. Tidak lagi melulu fashion. Tidak lagi hanya ingin belanja dan mengisi lemari. Appearance has become my ….. priority.

Saya sekarang 22 tahun, seorang sarjana. Semua begitu tepat waktu dan berjalan mulus (jika dibandingkan dengan mahasiswa/i yang masih bergelut finishing up Tugas Akhir mereka). Tetapi saat orang lain mengira semuanya akan baik-baik saja. Itu tidak benar. Tuhan maha adil… Saya pun pernah ada di masa-masa mencoba bertahan hidup dengan hanya mengkonsumsi makanan kambing (sayur maksudnya) dan hmm shamefully, indomie (duhhh! bisa gak racunnya diangkat aja?), bekerja restoran banting tulang dan sebagainya. Saat ini pun saya sedang bergulat mencari peruntungan di dunia kerja yang terlalu luas untuk didefinisikan.

Singkat cerita, kemudian saya pun merenung dan memutuskan untuk mengisi kembali halaman-halaman ini. Mengapa? Saya ingin melihat secara zoom-in bentuk perkembangan pola pikir saya dan pastinya, membuat daftar keinginan dan pencapaian menjadi lebih bermakna dan teratur. Saya ingin membuat timeline hidup sebagai seorang pengembara di bumi ini. Naik turun gunung, nyebur dan tenggelam di samudera, semua akan saya tuangkan di sini. Karena saya ingin kembali tersenyum 2 tahun dan tahun-tahun mendatang, seperti tadi pagi (sekarang pukul 13.34 waktu Den Haag), saat saya membaca kembali blog ini (yang dulunya semata hanya untuk fashion purpose).

Mengapa bahasa indonesia? Simpel… karena saya sudah lupa menulis bahasa Indonesia dengan EYD dan aturan yang seharusnya. Dan saya pun ingin kembali belajar. Capek kemenggres terus :p

Dont forget to open your eyes and mind. Be quiet enouth to listen to what life whispers to you 🙂
Because it does lead you to a good place….