In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question: ‘What kind of man are you looking for?’
She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye & asking, ‘Do you really want to know?’ Reluctantly, he said, ‘Yes.’
She began to expound, ‘As a woman in this day & age, I am in a position to ask a man what can you do for me that I can’t do for myself? I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man… or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, ‘What can you bring to the table?’ The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. She quickly corrected his thought & stated, ‘I am not referring to money. I need something more. I need a man who is striving for excellence in every aspect of life.
He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, & asked her to explain. She said, ‘I need someone who is striving for excellence mentally because I need conversation & mental stimulation. I don’t need a simple-minded man. I need someone who is striving for excellence spiritually because I don’t need to be unequally yoked…believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster. I need a man who is striving for excellence financially because I don’t need a financial burden. I need someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded. I need someone who has integrity in dealing with relationships. Lies and game-playing are not my idea of a strong man. I need a man who is family-oriented. One who can be the leader, priest and provider to the lives entrusted to him by God.
I need someone whom I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn’t taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive…he just has to be worthy.
And by the way, I am not looking for him…He will find me. He will recognize himself in me. He may not be able to explain the connection, but he will always be drawn to me. God made woman to be a help-mate for man. I can’t help a man if he can’t help himself.
When she finished her spiel, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, ‘You are asking a lot. She replied, “I’m worth a lot”.
The above story is clearly speaking out my mind. After the 3-years relationship separation, I wondered how could I feel he was the one when he was certainly not. I wondered a lot about love. The existence of it..
Finally, I came to a ramble conclusion.
I am a lover. Someone whom hungers for love and whom loves being loved. I’d rather be broken hearted than not expressing the love I have in me. With this feeling, I’ve never did it partially. When I love, I love fully.. And so how it was with my ex(es). I loved and I (thought) I was sure about my feeling.
Apparently, heart and brain are often not aligned. Looking back, I might unconsciously unsure within the relationship, about me and him as a couple. But it seems like I ignored too many red flags until I finally realized. Why was that? Because I held full accountable of my decision to be with them and I wanted to prove my self that I took the right decision to be with him. That’s part of my personality. Devotion…
However, no matter how hard I justified myself about the relationship, the answer from Him at the end was still a ‘no’. It mainly was caused by too many differences. In spite of me being very flexible, I had to compromise, a lot of compromising, a compromise up to the point that I feel I am not being myself anymore. Until I read the above article, I’ve never realized that I had never recognized myself in them. I’ve never felt to not to worry about a thing when I was with them.
I started with love and getting to know them. I naively believe that falling in love is passive and spontaneous. I was wrong. It is much more than that. The euphoria of love fades in a couple of years being together. The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person, it is learning to love the person I find. I don’t need love to be the reason with someone. Love is an active word, a form of nurture. When I feel I could team up with someone, that I recognize myself in him, the love would certainly come along and can easily be nurtured in deepening it.
I value myself too much that makes me selective on how to make a choice for my future life partner. How I choose him depicts how I value myself. I don’t want to settle for less. And nobody should. I need to be with someone who can keep up with me, whom I can look up to and have qualities to enable me showing respect. That man needs to have extraordinary dreams, dreams that can somehow be incorporated with mine. Dreams that can make me make a peace with mine. Someone who loves and able to take care of themselves well. I need a doer. Not because I need them in my life to fulfill my needs, but I need them to match with mine so we can go along side by side together until we reach our goals, together.
Then I can fall in love. Then I can nurture the love continuously.
If you’re young or in your early twenties, focus on shaping your personalities and qualities. It is a manifestation for good choices and a good life in the future..
To be continued..